I started the van remotely and sent the kids out to get buckled. We have a pattern: the big kids help Westin into the car and Trace buckles him in while the others buckle in themselves. I needed to grab some strawberries from the fridge as snack at practice. I gently placed Beau on the country on top of Westin's towel (intending to take his towel out to him once I headed for the van.)
It took about 3 seconds to grab the strawberries from the fridge. I turned just slightly to grab a container so I could rinse them and place them inside.As I turned I could feel the presence of a small child and in the blink of an eye he reached up to get his towel from the counter (he meticulously remembers things considering he is two) and I heard a muffled thud on the floor. It was like time froze as I was turning from the counter at the sink to the island...No, it couldn't really be...
I looked down and there he was, my sweet 2 month old, just shy of 2 months really, on the ground. Westin had pulled the towel down in an effort to get it and take it to the car and with is went Beau. My heart sank, my stomach dropped, I held my breath as I dipped down to scoop him into my arms. I was praying out loud but not sure what I was saying.
He had been crying on the counter some b/c he was tired and I had placed him there instead of in the car b/c it is hot out there and I thought it would just be quick. He doesn't roll or move. I was so wrong...how could I do that?
In a split second I was the worst mother...ever...
I dipped to scoop him up and just took a few seconds to look him over before holding him to my chest and trying to comfort him. I leaned over and raised my voice at Westin stating, "Oh My Gosh". That made him cry of course, so now I compounded my bad mothering as he ran off to his room and laid on his bed.
I quickly ran out to the van and told the kids to come inside and sit on the couch. They could tell I was panicked and obeyed, thank goodness. I came in, sat in the rocker, and tried to nurse him just to comfort him and bring him close. While he was nursing I ran my fingers around his precious head looking for a sign of something from the fall. Sure enough there was a long ridge-like bump behind his ear.
Now, we are uninsured, and although I was trying to make sense out of what happened and what to do, and the thought of how expensive it might be raced through my head, I just KNEW I needed to take him to the Urgent Care.
I quickly placed him into the car and drove half a block to Children's Urgent Care. They told me to take him to Mendy's Place. So, I did.
A wonderful friend of mine came to Mendy's to get my other five children. God's provision b/c Justin was at work and my mom on her way home from William's. I'm so thankful she was able and willing to take my van and my kiddos for the day.
Mendy's Place quickly got him in for a CT Scan. That was so painful because they have to stay totally still and although he had fallen asleep in the room (which they wanted) he woke and was so squirmy.
They finally got a picture of his head and his neck. I had a peaceful feeling about what the results might hold. Concerned of course but peaceful also. It wasn't long before the Dr. arrived with the results.
Two skull fractures. His brain was fine, perfectly protected by his skull and no other concerns, just the two skull fractures. She then informed me they wanted to transport to Maricopa Medical Center and have us stay under observation in the PICU. My mind was racing with all the logistics, finances, etc. and of course what would be best for Beau.
Ultimately, after calling our friend and Chiropractor for recommendations, we decided to take the transport to the Medical Center and stay over night. 20 miles in the ambo and an hour checking in at the Medical Center ER (thankfully Justin was able to meet us there and bring food. I hadn't ever eaten that morning) and we were in the PICU for the night.
It was pretty uneventful after checking in to the PICU. I spent a lot of time replaying what happened in my head. At one point I closed my eyes and woke abruptly after seeing him fall in my head, well making up with I thought it might look like since I didn't actually see it. He ate and slept soundly, which I was so thankful for.
They had originally told me he couldn't eat and placed an IV while we were at Mendy's Place. I was confident he would be okay medically but very concerned I couldn't nurse him. Once we settled in at the Medical Center they said I could continue to feed him since he was doing so well.
G-d really put his arms around my sweet guy in that moment. Somehow He cushioned his fall just enough to knock me out of my complacent mindset about injuries (I'm pretty laid back most of the time and don't find too much to worry about, even with 5 boys) and remind me just how faithful He is to us.
The next day we were able to go home with plans to return in 3 months for a check. I'm assured G-d is a great healer and has already placed His hands on my boy. The 3 month check will be of no worry.
I've spent the last two weeks avoiding blogging about it and practically telling no one out of my own fear of man. But, I've decided to share in hopes of 3 things:
1. It will allow me to do some healing of my own since I felt so, so terrible about what happened.
2. It will allow me to give all the Glory to G-d for protecting, healing, and preserving my son.
3. It will allow other moms to draw something from my experience.
I'm not sure what lessons are present here, aside from the obvious one of not placing your infant on the counter and accidents happen in 1 second. But, if you shall draw something G-d desires to press upon your heart, I'll be glad.
Life is back to normal and I treasure all the moments we've had since. Thank the Lord for my sweet little Beau.
The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life; Psalm 121:7
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