There has been no greater blessing in my life than becoming your mom. Months before you were even conceived you were loved, desired, wanted, treasured and we didn't even know yet who or what you would become. We simply knew we wanted you.
I had lost a baby in April 2012, 12 weeks along and it stirred real, genuine sadness within me. I was so excited to have another baby. Already day dreaming about it being a boy or a girl. I knew G-d had special plans for our family and that although I couldn't undo losing that little precious one He had something in store for us. My heart was immediately open to trying to have another baby. G-d made me be patient. He held things off even with all our efforts to conceive until just the right time.
In the Summer of 2012 we made you. Loved and longed for...we were already counting down the days till your arrival.
I wasn't sure how this pregnancy would go. The others have had moments of morning sickness (some others more than other) and fatigue. I decided to try Essential Oil Vitamins which are loaded with peppermint and frankincense. It actually worked. I felt great. I can't say was the oils or maybe just a miraculous blessing from G-d, which is more possible, but I felt great.
This great-feeling-pregnancy made it all the more possible to LOVE you. As if it's possible to love you more than I already did. I suppose I just mean I could really ENJOY it. It was seeming this pregnancy might be my last. Lucky baby #7 and our family was blessed beyond measure. I really wanted to take it all in. I spent a lot of time feeling you kick and roll in there. The nightly hiccups reminded me that you were already so full of life.
My darling boy, you are a true pleasure and joy to add to our family. You came into this world, taking your first breath almost 1 year after I lost our little baby. You have been the rainbow we all looked forward to. My labor and birth to you was one of the most special experiences of my life. Your precious little head rolled out of my womb and you took your first breath in my arms. Everyone watching and holding their own breath to see you take yours.
To finally hold you in my arms made perfect sense. It's as if you've always been in our family. It is right where you are supposed to be. Here...now...in this place...in this birth order...in a family that treasures small ones.
I can't wait to see you grow...oh wait, no don't grow. I want you small and squishy forever. I love you small man. You are my little Beau...beautiful, perfect and sent by G-d.
I know you will be a happy man, a good friend, a loveable follower of Jesus. My prayer is that you find your purpose in this life. That G-d would grab your heart and you would never let go.
I will always be your mommy and you will always be my special Beau.
Love,
Mom
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