So, before you continue to read this post, just know, I'm right there with you moms. We are all doing our very best to love our children and raise them up. Please don't take what I am about to say as judgement rather encouragement. We were called for such a time as this, to be mothers, whether it be of 1 or 6 and G-d has big plans for us and our children.
------Let Said Post Ensue-----
You don't need to be everything, but you can do better at what is right in front of you!
From my perspective I see mothers being sucked into two extremes these days. I see the pressure of being the "do it all mom". Pinterest projects, crafting, sewing, activities, organizational skills, chef...the list goes on. If you homeschool the pressure mounts even morer to be the best homeschooling mom around (I mean what's homeschooling without kids who know latin? huh? btw for my cc friends, I think latin is great it is an example!). If you're kids go to school you also fit in transportation, field trips, homework, etc. The challenge is to keep it all together, or appear to, and do so with JOY!
The other end of the spectrum has this mentality attached to it that being a mom is REALLY HARD and kids can make us crazy and drive us to the brink of insanity. Children don't afford us the opportunity to dress nicely, shower, eat lunch, or have two minutes to ourselves. I mean we can barely poop in private (if you're willing to admit women poop at all). So, we accept being disheveled, frumpy, under rested, and frazzled, disorganized, messy, and somewhat short tempered because we can't make the "do it all mom" part work out.
I'm pretty tired of this to be honest. I'm here to shed some light and insight on this sucker so we can all rest easier as mothers and wives. I say we FLIP MOTHERHOOD AROUND and get off the "do it all mom" mentality and back to the basics.
Firstly, we must drop the facade and say no to the pressure of being the "do it all mom" or that it is even
possible or NECESSARY. Our children certainly don't need that from us and the pressure we put ourselves under to achieve it is a waste of time.
Now, I like a good craft here and there and certainly a new recipe idea from time to time. Although my children are perfectly content with eating spaghetti and taco soup every single week. I like to feel accomplished in my homeschooling (which could be rare if I only thought accomplished meant my kids knew Latin or had memorized the Declaration of Independence). I would love to sew and my daughter would probably love for me to make her a dress. But, it just isn't NECESSARY for me to be a loving, attentive, good mom. It isn't even necessary for me to raise a well-rounded daughter that might love to sew. In addition, I like, no I LOVE a clean house...but sometimes we just can't make it all happen...and that is okay. Right?
Truthfully our children just want to be with us. Spend time with us. And, part of being a parent is exposing them to and encouraging them to find what they love and to teach them skills. But not EVERY skill. It isn't POSSIBLE and plainly, wouldn't be healthy for them to think they have to know everything about everything. But, there are awesome clubs where they can learn skills and talents we don't personally have.
Now, don't get me wrong. We all have gifts and interests. Some of us can sew like the dickens and I think that is awesome! You should do that. I do digital graphics. I love that and it comes easy to me. I think I should do that. But, we can't have it ALL. We simply can't. We can't do what we love, and make our own soap, and grow a huge garden, and raise chickens, and sew our own clothes, and make hair bows, create preschool printables, throw the biggest birthday bash with handmade decorations, buy ALL organic food, own our own (flourishing) side business (because our children should be our first business), and make crafts every day...get my drift here. Even if we could would it be good stewardship of our money, time, talents, etc.?
We must drop the act and the pressure and embrace who G-d made us to be as mothers and wives and pray for our husbands to not only embrace it but love it. My husband might wish I could sew but I can't and that is okay. There are other great qualities about me and he loves me for them. I have to dig deep and ask myself what I really enjoy and what matters most in the time I have each day. Or what is something, 1 thing at a time, that I'd like to learn. Instead of trying to be the "do it all mom" we must see the limitation (and sometimes the damage) of trying to measure up and accept the beauty of where we are.
On the flip side...oh yes, I'm not quite done...I'm tired of the other side of spectrum I mentioned above as well. I can't read any more posts on Facebook about moms not being able to take a shower, wear proper clothes, organize their home, clean up the mess, etc. I am beginning to feel it gives moms a bad wrap and more importantly we sell ourselves short.So, follow me here. On one hand we feel enormous pressure to have it all together and be the "do it all mom". On the other hand, we can't get out of bed in the morning, we can't clean the house, we can't take a shower, and we can't bare another minute of it. I don't get it.
Our home is in shambles, our kids "don't let us shower" but we have crafts and projects coming out of our ears.
What koolaid convinced us with the idea that being a mom meant we couldn't get our acts together inside the home but we better know how to do all things "pinteresty"? (I'm not talking about the newborn phase, that gets a pass for a bit of time).
It, to me, is simply self discipline and a realistic approach to what is right in front of us.
If we can get our home routine in order we will have time for projects, I promise.
Take the time on one weekend, the whole family, to get the house in order. Then each day, keep it in order. Don't allow your playroom, schoolroom, craft room, bedroom to get crazy. Teach your children discipline. Don't allow the family to go to bed at night without making sure the house is in order. We are to be good stewards of the things we have.
THROW THINGS AWAY. Holy cow do we hold on to things. It isn't healthy. We have to part with items, books, furniture, papers, etc. in order to move forward. It's easier to stay on top of it than to try and do big cleanups every once and a while.
Get up in the morning and take a shower, put on your makeup, do your hair. Teach your daughters and your sons that taking care of yourself is important. Be an example to them.
Hit the gym or an exercise video a couple times each week to model exercise and taking care of your body...G-d gave it to you. Our children are watching us.
Don't let the kids turn the house upside down and if you do, embrace cleaning it up together. You're only able to clean up the mess because you were blessed with children, remember that!
Make them take a NAP or have QUIET TIME. I get time to myself in the middle of the day almost everyday because my kids have been conditioned to have quiet time. Yep...I let the older ones watch a movie together while the younger ones sleep so we can all get some peace and quiet. It does something marvelous to my mind.
We are full of excuses as to why we can't get a shower, why we can't get enough sleep (go to bed earlier for goodness sake), why we can't exercise, why we can't look nice for the day and take care of ourselves. Teach your children that you get a chance to eat too...trust me I'm there with you. I make lunch for 5 children during the day and sometimes forget to feed myself. But, I started thinking I'm setting a bad example for my kids.
This is where I'm going with this whole thing. I thought about my children and the role model I want to be. I don't want my boys, who will someday be men, to think that one day their beautiful bride will no longer make time for a shower, activities, or lunch and they will come home to someone who can't get their act together. I want them to see that mom, women, their future brides are capable of SO MUCH MORE. They can plan their time, get a shower, look pretty, dress nicely, eat lunch, develop a routine and stay organized. I want my boys to look forward to a wife that is diligent, organized, methodical, practical, and realistic.
This sets the tone for my boys not thinking their wives can "do it all" but are capable of a realistic approach to life that offers JOY and ORDER. But, I don't want my boys to expect their wives to be EVERYTHING and have EVERY skill. But rather to be a good steward of the ones they have been given and to see the value in keeping a nice, clean, orderly home with discipline and routine.
I was thinking about my daughter. I don't want her to think being a mom means being frumpy, disheveled, under slept, and barely making it. I don't want her to think being a mother and a wife means suddenly the house is a mess and stuff is everywhere. That isn't pleasant and it robs our children of living productive, orderly lives in their future, with realistic goals.
Stop acting like it's a normal part of motherhood to eek by. Its shameful.
Listen, I'm in the mud with all the other moms out there. I often prioritize orderliness and cleanliness over just spending time with my kids. I don't struggle with trying to be the "do it all mom" but I have my own battles, perfectionism being one of them. I'm great with discipline, order, cleaning up before we move on to a new task, etc. But, I often struggle to just slow down with my kiddos. I show them that having 6 kids might not be fun. Even though I think on the inside it's AWESOME!
I'm asking each of you to look at your home--your routine, your talents, your day as a mother and to consider something different.
Leave the "do it all mom" in the wind. Make a list of areas you can improve in. Ones that will benefit your family and your home. List the area and the benefit it will provide
For example:
More discipline in keeping the house picked up (teaching my kids to slow down and be clean)
Taking a shower each morning (to teach my daughter it's okay to take care of myself)
Create a better daily routine so I can fit in a little exercise, some lunch, and maybe a little quiet time (to teach my children that I care about myself and they should too)
Going to bed earlier (because I want to be a rested and joyful mother)
Crafting more (because this is my passion and my talent)
Get where I'm going with this?
I hope you can see what I'm trying to get at here. We just aren't being fair to ourselves, our children or even our spouses to continue to try and be someone we aren't with time we don't have and resources better spent somewhere else. Instead, we can hone in on the little things we tend to let slip through the cracks that would make all the difference.
You can do it. Get up ten minutes earlier and get that shower. Let that little one sit on the floor in the bathroom with a toy while you do. Buy what you like to eat at the store so you can have lunch together. Pick up, clean up, organize yourself...you'll feel better! If you're organized on the outside, even when it takes effort, you'll get organized on the inside. You'll role model for your children just how awesome being a mommy really is and how fun it will be to have a wife (most of the time)!
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