The Giving Mother

I've been following Ann for years now...she's helped to mold my mother's heart when it becomes broken and weary.  Although I'm still such a work in progress my perspective has been formed and has grown...slow as it may be. And although I grow weary and often selfish, she helps me to remember the Giving Mother this morning.  Two days from Mother's Day and she has written words that pierce through the often forgotten or simply expected labor of a mother.

The world doesn't mean to forget mothers. We are like a working horse.  Cherished, valued, and worn with love but sometimes there is the taking for granted. I think His creation sings praises to mother's every time it brings a new life to take it's first breath.  Mothering is an aspect of G-d, given to the woman..the feminine side of being made in His image, the one we all cling to when we feel broken, lost, or needing someone to guide us through our fleshly life on earth.

And at times, and by no fault of their own, that man, whose loving arms support me can forget the goodness and grace of his children's mother.  But, I want to take heart in knowing he too can be forgotten and his work can be taken for granted.  This is why we work unto the Lord.  We hold our children's hands, keep a home, prepare a meal, and measure our value as unto the Lord.  Being a mother is like having 1 foot on earth and another in heaven.

Today I also read, "we are not mortal beings having a spiritual experience, but “spiritual beings having a mortal experience.” (Pierre Teilhard de Chardin)  I don’t know much. But what I do know is this mortal life is a place to learn and grow under the tutelage of a Divine Teacher; a place where we learn how to see in the dark and hear the voice of God in our own wilderness."

This from a man who has lost his son in these past days. To be reminded we are here to glorify our maker...in our motherhood He has chosen to sculpt us for a purpose and in that purpose see and experience more of Him.

I put this in my blog today not only to remind myself as I read back at the books I have printed, but to also share with my children who will one day read these words.   To share also with my friends who are also walking this sometimes lonely yet lovely path of motherhood.  Remember the most gracious God we serve planted you here, for this time, this season and with these blessings.  Soak them in.

I can't put into words these love she has already spoken here.  Ann Voskamp has given mothers a glimpse of our treasured life.   Read it here and then go there...and read it all again!

---

The Giving Mother who lets us take up whole places inside of you, who keeps making spaces, who never stops making spaces, growing soft and round, stretching thinner and growing fuller, your hearts and hips widening with a widening grace.

I never get over the shade of you, the grace of you, the limbs of you, the God-made Giving Tree —

Because God needed someone to love the least and the little into real whole people, and He knew that to love is to suffer so God made a mother.

God had said –

I need someone to get up at midnight and scoop the most fragile of humanity close to her warmth and rock though she can hardly stand.

And nourish though she’s mostly sleep-starved and change the diaper and the sheets and the leaked on, leaked through, and leaked down clothes though she’ll have to change them in the morning and next week and that won’t change for years.

So God made a Mother.

That God had said I need somebody with a strong heart.

Strong enough for toddler tantrums and teenage testing, yet broken enough to fall on her knees and pray, pray, pray.

Someone who knows that in every hard place is exactly where you extend grace, who looks a hopeful child in the eye and says yes, even though she knows every yes means a mess but this is how you bless, who has the courage to keep letting go because she’s holding on to Me.

So God made a mother.

God said I need somebody who can shape a soul and find shoes on Sunday mornings and get grass stains out of Levis.

And make dinner out of nothing and do it again 79, 678 times, and keep kids off the road and out of the toilet and in clean underwear and mainly alive though she’s mainly losing her mind and will put in an 80 hour week by Wednesday night and just do one more load of laundry.

And one more sink of crusted burnt pots.

And keep on going another eighty hours because raising generations matters and weaving families matters and tying heart strings matters and these people here in hidden places matter.

So God made a mother…

It had to be somebody who could comb back pigtails and tie up skates just-right tight.

Who could pretend she remembered algebra and how to get home from here and that really, she was just fine, no, really and that it must just be those silly onions.

Somebody who would run for the catch, jump on a trampoline and play one fierce game of soccer and not give a thought to all those labors and her weak pelvic floor.

Somebody who’d stay up late with a science project that never ends, who’d get up early for the game in the rain, somebody who’d wave at the door until the taillights were out of sight and still be smiling brave.

So God made a mother.

It had to be somebody willing to keep loving when it made no sense because that’s what love does.

Somebody who knew that life is not an emergency but a gift — so just. slow. down. There are children at play here and we don’t want anyone to get hurt and the hurry makes us hurt.

Somebody willing to feed and lead, lay down her life and pick up her cross, give of her time because they have her heart. Someone who knows that we all blow it — and what matters most is what we do with it afterward. 

Someone who could humble herself into the tender sorry that covers a multitude of sins.

Someone who would live like a Giving Tree — who would would give grace, give life, and give thanks—   eucharisteo: the giving thanks for every grace that gives back always joy. 

Someone who would stand in the mess and the midst and give thanks anyways — becauseeucharisteo always, always, precedes the miracle of discovering that the Giver Himself is always,always more than enough.

Someone who would live it a thousand times:  Give thanks – and discover that the Giver Himself is the Gift and He alone is always, always enough.

Someone who would pour out and bend down and surrender not only to the physical pain of childbirth but the far deeper, unending heart pain of letting go, letting go, letting go –  from the womb, from the arms, from the front door.

Someone who would know that umbilical cords can be cut — but heart strings never can.

Someone who’d bow her head at night over the girl sleeping with the doll in the crook of her arm — and give thanks to her Father for this hidden life that’s turning a gear for the whole spinning world.

So God made a mother.

You.

The Giving Mother, made by God to be a safe shelter….

with your roots dipping like lines into aquifers to siphon love up out of the caving cup of His hands –

The Giving Mother clinging to The Giving Father who erases all ache with the grace of  a Cross Tree.

Get Over It--A Little Insight to Flipping Motherhood Around

I've been thinking about this blogpost for a while now.  There is always some fear and trepidation when you desire to blog about something people can take offense to.  But, people can take offense to most everything if they choose to do so.  If we didn't ever write about something that is a trigger subject people would never be able to grow or gain insight from someone else.  So, my intention and desire is to write about something that might cause us all to grow and gain insight.  To challenge us to see things just slightly differently than we do now. I write for myself as well.  No one is perfect no matter how much they might seem to have it together on the outside.

So, before you continue to read this post, just know, I'm right there with you moms. We are all doing our very best to love our children and raise them up.  Please don't take what I am about to say as judgement rather encouragement.  We were called for such a time as this, to be mothers, whether it be of 1 or 6 and G-d has big plans for us and our children.

------Let Said Post Ensue-----

You don't need to be everything, but you can do better at what is right in front of you!

From my perspective I see mothers being sucked into two extremes these days.  I see the pressure of being the "do it all mom".  Pinterest projects, crafting, sewing, activities, organizational skills, chef...the list goes on.  If you homeschool the pressure mounts even morer to be the best homeschooling mom around (I mean what's homeschooling without kids who know latin? huh? btw for my cc friends, I think latin is great it is an example!).  If you're kids go to school you also fit in transportation, field trips, homework, etc. The challenge is to keep it all together, or appear to, and do so with JOY!

The other end of the spectrum has this mentality attached to it that being a mom is REALLY HARD and kids can make us crazy and drive us to the brink of insanity. Children don't afford us the opportunity to dress nicely, shower, eat lunch, or have two minutes to ourselves.  I mean we can barely poop in private (if you're willing to admit women poop at all).  So, we accept being disheveled, frumpy, under rested, and frazzled, disorganized, messy, and somewhat short tempered because we can't make the "do it all mom" part work out.

I'm pretty tired of this to be honest.  I'm here to shed some light and insight on this sucker so we can all rest easier as mothers and wives. I say we FLIP MOTHERHOOD AROUND and get off the "do it all mom" mentality and back to the basics.

Firstly, we must drop the facade and say no to the pressure of being the "do it all mom" or that it is even
possible or NECESSARY.  Our children certainly don't need that from us and the pressure we put ourselves under to achieve it is a waste of time.

Now, I like a good craft here and there and certainly a new recipe idea from time to time. Although my children are perfectly content with eating spaghetti and taco soup every single week.  I like to feel accomplished in my homeschooling (which could be rare if I only thought accomplished meant my kids knew Latin or had memorized the Declaration of Independence).  I would love to sew and my daughter would probably love for me to make her a dress.  But, it just isn't NECESSARY for me to be a loving, attentive, good mom. It isn't even necessary for me to raise a well-rounded daughter that might love to sew. In addition, I like, no I LOVE a clean house...but sometimes we just can't make it all happen...and that is okay. Right?

Truthfully our children just want to be with us.  Spend time with us.  And, part of being a parent is exposing them to and encouraging them to find what they love and to teach them skills.  But not EVERY skill.  It isn't POSSIBLE and plainly, wouldn't be healthy for them to think they have to know everything about everything. But, there are awesome clubs where they can learn skills and talents we don't personally have.

Now, don't get me wrong.  We all have gifts and interests. Some of us can sew like the dickens and I think that is awesome! You should do that.  I do digital graphics. I love that and it comes easy to me.  I think I should do that.  But, we can't have it ALL.  We simply can't.  We can't do what we love, and make our own soap, and grow a huge garden, and raise chickens, and sew our own clothes, and make hair bows, create preschool printables, throw the biggest birthday bash with handmade decorations, buy ALL organic food, own our own (flourishing) side business (because our children should be our first business), and make crafts every day...get my drift here.  Even if we could would it be good stewardship of our money, time, talents, etc.?

We must drop the act and the pressure and embrace who G-d made us to be as mothers and wives and pray for our husbands to not only embrace it but love it.  My husband might wish I could sew but I can't and that is okay.  There are other great qualities about me and he loves me for them. I have to dig deep and ask myself what I really enjoy and what matters most in the time I have each day. Or what is something, 1 thing at a time, that I'd like to learn. Instead of trying to be the "do it all mom" we must see the limitation (and sometimes the damage) of trying to measure up and accept the beauty of where we are.

On the flip side...oh yes, I'm  not quite done...I'm tired of the other side of spectrum I mentioned above as well.  I can't read any more posts on Facebook about moms not being able to take a shower, wear proper clothes, organize their home, clean up the mess, etc.  I am beginning to feel it gives moms a bad wrap and more importantly we sell ourselves short.

So, follow me here. On one hand we feel enormous pressure to have it all together and be the "do it all mom".  On the other hand, we can't get out of bed in the morning, we can't clean the house, we can't take a shower, and we can't bare another minute of it. I don't get it. 

Our home is in shambles, our kids "don't let us shower" but we have crafts and projects coming out of our ears.

What koolaid convinced us with the idea that being a mom meant we couldn't get our acts together inside the home but we better know how to do all things "pinteresty"? (I'm not talking about the newborn phase, that gets a pass for a bit of time).
It, to me, is simply self discipline and a realistic approach to what is right in front of us.

If we can get our home routine in order we will have time for projects, I promise.

Take the time on one weekend, the whole family, to get the house in order.  Then each day, keep it in order.  Don't allow your playroom, schoolroom, craft room, bedroom to get crazy.  Teach your children discipline.  Don't allow the family to go to bed at night without making sure the house is in order.  We are to be good stewards of the things we have.

THROW THINGS AWAY.  Holy cow do we hold on to things.  It isn't healthy.  We have to part with items, books, furniture, papers, etc. in order to move forward. It's easier to stay on top of it than to try and do big cleanups every once and a while.

Get up in the morning and take a shower, put on your makeup, do your hair.  Teach your daughters and your sons that taking care of yourself is important.  Be an example to them.

Hit the gym or an exercise video a couple times each week to model exercise and taking care of your body...G-d gave it to you. Our children are watching us.

Don't let the kids turn the house upside down and if you do, embrace cleaning it up together.  You're only able to clean up the mess because you were blessed with children, remember that!

Make them take a NAP or have QUIET TIME. I get time to myself in the middle of the day almost everyday because my kids have been conditioned to have quiet time. Yep...I let the older ones watch a movie together while the younger ones sleep so we can all get some peace and quiet. It does something marvelous to my mind.

We are full of excuses as to why we can't get a shower, why we can't get enough sleep (go to bed earlier for goodness sake), why we can't exercise, why we can't look nice for the day and take care of ourselves.  Teach your children that you get a chance to eat too...trust me I'm there with you. I make lunch for 5 children during the day and sometimes forget to feed myself.  But, I started thinking I'm setting a bad example for my kids.

This is where I'm going with this whole thing.  I thought about my children and the role model I want to be.  I don't want my boys, who will someday be men, to think that one day their beautiful bride will no longer make time for a shower, activities, or lunch and they will come home to someone who can't get their act together.  I want them to see that mom, women, their future brides are capable of SO MUCH MORE.  They can plan their time, get a shower, look pretty, dress nicely, eat lunch, develop a routine and stay organized.  I want my boys to look forward to a wife that is diligent, organized, methodical, practical, and realistic.

This sets the tone for my boys not thinking their wives can "do it all" but are capable of a realistic approach to life that offers JOY and ORDER. But, I don't want my boys to expect their wives to be EVERYTHING and have EVERY skill.  But rather to be a good steward of the ones they have been given and to see the value in keeping a nice, clean, orderly home with discipline and routine.

I was thinking about my daughter.  I don't want her to think being a mom means being frumpy, disheveled, under slept, and barely making it. I don't want her to think being a mother and a wife means suddenly the house is a mess and stuff is everywhere.  That isn't pleasant and it robs our children of living productive, orderly lives in their future, with realistic goals.

Stop acting like it's a normal part of motherhood to eek by.  Its shameful.

Listen, I'm in the mud with all the other moms out there.  I often prioritize orderliness and cleanliness over just spending time with my kids.  I don't struggle with trying to be the "do it all mom" but I have my own battles, perfectionism being one of them.  I'm great with discipline, order, cleaning up before we move on to a new task, etc.  But, I often struggle to just slow down with my kiddos.  I show them that having 6 kids might not be fun.  Even though I think on the inside it's AWESOME!

I'm asking each of you to look at your home--your routine, your talents, your day as a mother and to consider something different.

Leave the "do it all mom" in the wind.  Make a list of areas you can improve in. Ones that will benefit your family and your home. List the area and the benefit it will provide
For example:
More discipline in keeping the house picked up (teaching my kids to slow down and be clean)
Taking a shower each morning (to teach my daughter it's okay to take care of myself)
Create a better daily routine so I can fit in a little exercise, some lunch, and maybe a little quiet time (to teach my children that I care about myself and they should too)
Going to bed earlier (because I want to be a rested and joyful mother)
Crafting more (because this is my passion and my talent)

Get where I'm going with this?

I hope you can see what I'm trying to get at here.  We just aren't being fair to ourselves, our children or even our spouses to continue to try and be someone we aren't with time we don't have and resources better spent somewhere else.  Instead, we can hone in on the little things we tend to let slip through the cracks that would make all the difference.

You can do it.  Get up ten minutes earlier and get that shower.  Let that little one sit on the floor in the bathroom with a toy while you do.  Buy what you like to eat at the store so you can have lunch together.  Pick up, clean up, organize yourself...you'll feel better!  If you're organized on the outside, even when it takes effort, you'll get organized on the inside.  You'll role model for your children just how awesome being a mommy really is and how fun it will be to have a wife (most of the time)!