Valentine's Day Party

For Valentine's Day my friend Lisa and I planned a party for the kids.  We collected some ideas from Pinterest and planned a little party where the kids could make some cute valentine's to give away, some fun snacks, and have breakfast served by the daddies and oldest boys.  

I set the table for a cute little valentine's party and Lisa and I prepared our parts so we could come together on a Wednesday and have a little celebration.  On Wednesday, we got together at 4:00pm and the kids made popcorn/candy corn crunch, snack bags, little mason jars with white chocolate bark and M&M's, painted their hands to do hand prints, and exchanged cards for each other.  

At 5:30pm the daddies showed up and made us a breakfast dinner with eggs, sausage, pancakes in heart shapes, and bacon.  Cole and Dane and Justin and Zach served us all dinner complete with Red Velvet Shakes, Donuts and strawberries.  

It was a darling little get together and a cute things watching the big boys serve their families.  I am thankful for friends like Lisa, willing to take time out to do little parties like this even though it is a lot of work, clean up and preparation.  

I am also thankful for the daddies who supported this little party and came to make it fun! Daddies always add fun!

Back to Home-school

We are officially all back to school now that Labor day has passed and summer (although the weather isn't changing) is over.  Since Cole is attending school this year I will have more time to spend with the twins and Brynn.  

The twins are in first grade this year.  Where did the time go?  We will continue to work on bible, reading, writing, and math primarily and throw in some science, history, art, and some unit studies.  I try not to spend more than 3 hours on school each day (more like 2.5 if I get my way, but that depends on how cooperative they are).  That way it isn't over whelming for them or me, I don't neglect Westin for too long and I can try and fit it in when baby sleeps. 

They are such different kids than Cole, I am having to learn how to teach them the same things but in a whole new way.  It helped that Cole was almost a year older in this grade than they are now.  But, it's a huge change.  It's good for me and keeps me on my toes.

They will be taking Piano this year and Grammy has enrolled them in Tennis lessons.  They have a filled semester already. And, if daddy gets his way, they might play Fall Baseball this year.  I'm hoping to wait until Spring, but who knows.

The nice thing about homeschooling, which I tell people all the time, is it's not about doing school at home. It's about finding what works for your kids and keeping at it.  For my twins, it's about review, repetition, hands on, and keeping it brief.  Success is huge. If they don't have success they are totally defeated.  Also, I realize, that in some things, they just don't care yet.  Which is fine and when they do finally care, it will click.

I'm not sure yet if this will be their last year at home. They might not transition until 3rd grade. We will be praying about that.  Until then, I will do my best to fulfill the calling in their life as their mother, teacher, and their daddy's wife!

Brynn, although she is only 4 might as well be in Kindergarten this year.  It will be tough to keep her slowed down and in her appropriate grade level.  She is more like Cole, eager to learn and quick to retain information.  She is a January birthday so I cannot just let her get ahead. I don't want her to graduate high school at 17.  So, I plan to spend most of the school year just keeping her busy with crafts, cutting, letters, shapes, colors, painting, letter sounds, reading books with her and making school fun.   She is also taking Piano and trying Ballet for the first time this year, thanks again to Grammy.  We are also sending her 2x a month to see the tutor, like the boys did, our long time friend Alana.  It changes things up and makes learning fun and gives her some one-on-one.

Next year she will be 5 and we will start "real" Kindergarten but by then she'll probably be ready for first grade.  Oh well.  We do what we can right!  She is a lot of fun because she enjoys learning.  I haven't had her complain or whine about anything other than wanting more work to do.  Crazy in comparison to the twins.  She wants to keep everything she makes and colors.  If I let her my house would be stacked up with papers and pictures.  We toss those things in the quiet of the dark night and never bring them up again.  She often doesn't notice.  We've all been there I know it.

Cole has been enjoying school at NCS.  He really LOVES math and is an excellent reader.  Dropping him off and picking him up provides nice structure to our day. It gives boundaries to work and play and allows for a nice nap for the littlest ones.

He is doing Mathletes after school and also taking Piano lessons.  He is so quick to learn and eager as well.  We've been praying he makes friends easily.  Each day on the way to school we pray a verse over him out loud. I write it on a 3x5 card and put it on my visor so we can read and pray it together.  He has all the opportunities to be successful in school (not that I believe that is the gauge of a man), but if he enjoys education he has the ability to do well.  It has given us, already, opportunities to work on character, problem solving, the power of words, and so much more.  Those little blips in time I am so thankful for because those are the moments that refine his heart.

We took some pictures outside to commemorate being back at school, all the kids that is.  They were so funny.  I asked them to do serious pictures and then funny faces.  They were hysterical trying to make those funny faces.  I think Brody won the funny face contest this time around!

Of course, Westin had to jump in there. He is such a ham and cannot be left out! Stinker bug.

Busy Bees

Things have been pretty busy around our house....but who does that surprise.  Things are just pretty busy most of the time. And, honestly, I'm not sure what to do with myself when it isn't busy.  I've always been like that so it's no surprise I've created that type of life for myself beyond my college days.  

We've added the weekly celebration of Shabbat to our schedule, which is awesome but also requires more organization and planning on my part.  But, the reward has been awesome as we learn about God from the OT and the wonderful picture He created for us through ceremonies, feasts, and traditions.  The kids have loved every minute of it.

We have been busy schooling, which is typical, but we also added the k12.com school to our schedule for Cole so he would qualify for PLUS donations with the tax credit. It's been more work but also fun to see how far ahead he is in comparison and to have him be excited about that as well.

If anyone was considering the k12.com school, I actually think it's pretty good.  They sent me 4 large boxes of materials.  I will use them to supplement what I already have.  Phonics, Art, Spelling, Reading, Handwriting, Math, Science, etc., it's pretty thorough.  It's definitely a cheap way to get curriculum and the online work is great for kids.  I think it's actually pretty good.  I would just supplement with Bible and Christian History and leave out Evolution, which hasn't come up yet in this curriculum.

I am still doing to side projects, websites and graphics along with some cheer programs that bring in some extra vacation money for us.  God is always faithful to bless us through those things when we need it.

I set my husband about redoing the kitchen just before Christmas. It is SLOW going but it will be awesome when it's all done.  The painting is done, which made a huge difference and now to the cabinets and countertops.  Whew...with only weekends to work on it, it makes it a long process.  I just hope to be done before this little boy arrives.

Things They Say 2012

Brody-" I'm thinking about my wedding.  I have some rules. No getting naked, no pulling down pants, you have to wear nice clothes and dance because it is like a nice date."

Trace--"Grammy do you love me?"  Grammy--"Yes Trace I love you so much".  Trace--"oh good I was wondering if you were just a friend or if you really loved me."

Cole--In reference to a friend of ours daughter) "She is done with school and now she is a woman. When you are done with school you are a women."

Trace--"Let's pretend you're not my mom and I'm just a friend, so I can call you Chelsea."  Me, "okay".  Trace, "just pretend my mom died and my dad died and my house burned." Me, "Whoa, serious stuff."  Trace, "Well, I'm spending the whole day with you and  maybe spending the night."  Me, "why don't we say they are on vacation instead?" Trace, "No, let's say they are very sick."

Brynn--"Where is me retard?" Me, "I don't know what that is?"  Brynn, "for nymnastics!"  (Translation, Where is my leotard for gymnastics.)

Cole--"I think this baby is a girl, because God wouldn't give us another boy. Boys mostly sin."

Cole--"Mom, did you hear me singing just now?"  Me, "yes I did."  Cole, "What, how? I sound just like Justin Bieber."

Cole--"I can't sing other people's songs, then I won't be famous. I'm a good singer, I have to sing my own songs."

Brynn--"Mom, girls don't drink coffee."  Me, "sure they do."  Brynn, "Oh, pink coffee."

Brody--"I just love all my brothers and sometimes Brynn, since she is a girl."

The Music of Motherhood

I've been spending some time creating playlists on my computer and it takes some time to think about the kind of music I want to listen to during the day, while I work on my computer, or the while the kids play.   As much as I try to give some variety, a little pop, maybe some Acapella, some kids songs, I always come back to the music of my childhood.

I've always known music sinks and nourishes roots, creates memories, makes life seem Alive and Real.  I LOVE music.  Listening to it, singing it, humming it, letting the words infect my spirit.

One of my most comforting memories of childhood was coming home to my mom listening to music.  It filled the house with a sense of relaxation, ease of mind, and a JOY about the day.  

The house was filled with the sun and she'd hum or sing the words as she worked away at cleaning the house or whatever mom's do (I never knew until now).  Always moving, humming, making music, creating memories.  

I grew to LOVE the music of the 70's.  It is strange for someone my age, I think, to like James Taylor more than any other artist in the world. There is no one I'd rather listen to when it comes down to it.  I will ALWAYS choose him over something else although I do intentionally give my family some variety by playing other things.  But, I enjoy almost everything from that era (later sixties and the seventies).

Now, as I sit here listening to the Carpenters, Peter Paul and Mary, James, Carole King, Kenny Loggins,  the warmth of my mom comes over me.  Her happy face, her comforting home, and the happiness she filled my childhood with.   

 

I treasure it and it always causes me to remember her...I'm thankful for that.  For now I still have her with me, but in 30 years when that is less likely to be the case, I'm thankful I can so easily draw up memories of her through music. 

I hope to do the same for my own children. Not only create an atmosphere that is playful, happy, and easy, but to sink deep their memories and roots through music and photos. (My mom did an amazing job keeping pictures of my sister and I as we grew, she barely missed a moment. I can see my whole childhood in three photo albums, which become memories.)

Just having music on in the background, singing together, playing things repetitiously as to create memories and a comfort for them, as I have. That they will easily think of me when they are older.  

God has been good to us and I have a husband who also treasures music and bring life to our home when he plays. I've not supported him in that as I should.  We sing together to the children. The same songs since they were small with the hope they will tuck them into their hearts.  Maybe even sing them to their children. He's such an amazing gift to them, my husband to our children.  He moves slower than me and brings the pace down so they can sit and enjoy the music.  I'm thankful for him and his harmonies!

Just some late night thoughts I figured I ought to keep with me on this here blog of mine.  

Thank you mom for your love of music. For making things comfortable, happy and easy.  Thank you for all the wonderful memories of my childhood (I know time flew for you as it is doing for me as a mother). If we could only hit pause once and a while...I think the music is the closest thing we can get. It always brings us back.  Love you mom.

Homeschooling on by Joshua Steele

A Simple Yet Important View of Homeschooling from No Greater Joy.

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 By Joshua Steele 

In one of my recent blog posts I shared some pictures of Abby receiving her first cellphone. As part of that post, I mentioned that one of our reasons for getting Abby a phone was so that we could get in touch with her while she was at school. No sooner had I published that post than I got a note from a friend in the US asking why our kids were going away to school. Maybe you asked that question too. Here’s the answer. Kelsie and I are as committed as we’ve ever been to homeschooling. Fear not: we haven’t fallen off the bandwagon. The “school” that Abby goes to is a two-hour class, three times a week at the church we attend. Our purpose in sending her there right now is primarily to help her establish a foundation in Ukrainian language skills. At the school, they mostly sing songs, paint pictures, and—believe it or not—have a 30-minute English class! The primary benefit is that for two hours Abby is forced to interact with children and adults that speak to her almost exclusively in Ukrainian. That’s something we can’t give her very well at home. At home, we speak English. But since we live in Ukraine, we believe that our kids need to speak Ukrainian well. This is not only a matter of culture but of security. For example, if, God forbid, Abby or one of the other kids were to get separated from us in town somewhere, they need to be able to tell someone who they are, where they live, etc. So “school”, as we call it, is more like “language lessons.” Abby is already doing her regular school subjects at home with Kelsie, and based on her progress in Ukrainian, we will probably discontinue that class after the spring semester is over. I think it’s important to remember that homeschooling is not defined simply as filling out textbooks within the four walls of the family domicile. The vision and power of homeschooling is about parents taking responsibility for directing both the character training and academic development of their children. In modern society, the trend is to pass off that God-given duty to someone else, often the State. We, like many thousands of other parents, have seen the dangers and shortcomings of America’s current public school system, and we desire to give our children something much better. That said, we also believe that delegation is a big part of successful education. The job of the homeschool parent is not to know all there is to know about every academic subject so as to personally impart that knowledge to the child. Rather, the wise homeschool parent takes charge of the child’s entire training program – both spiritual and academic – teaching personally when possible, and bringing in carefully selected tutors when needed. It is our belief that parents are the principals of their own schools. It is the parents who are the most qualified to select the teachers and subjects best suited for each of their children. This managed education paradigm is in itself a valuable asset for any child as he enters adulthood. Even though I am married and working as a full-time missionary, I am constantly learning new things. I am the manager of my own continuing education. I certainly don’t know everything—far from it—but I do know how to learn anything I need to learn. The world is my classroom, and when I need a new skill, I simply seek out the appropriate resources and educate myself. This might involve reading a book, doing a series of Google searches, watching screencasts, or even attending college classes. But the important thing is that I am in charge of my education. I choose to learn things that are relevant to the work I am doing. Education is simply a means to an end. In the real world, you don’t get any tangible credit for simply completing a course of training. You don’t even get much credit for demonstrating that you are proficient in a particular skill. (Your diploma alone won’t feed you.) A person gets credit for applying his skills in a useful manner that is marketable to someone else. If you do that, you get paid. The key issue is not so much the path you choose to acquire new skills, but your ability to use those skills profitably. Granted, demonstrating that you completed your education at this or that university has value, but in the end employers don’t pay their employees for attending a particular school. Employees get paid because they do the job they were hired to do. If they can’t or won’t do their job, their education won’t keep them from being fired. That’s the real world, and that’s the world for which parents should be preparing their children. I’ll never forget something my mom told me years ago about her goals for our education. Speaking in the context of academic training, she said, “My job is to teach you to read. If I’ve done that, then I have given you your education.” Think about that. In our information-oriented society, reading is more important than ever before. One who reads well can potentially acquire an unlimited number of skills. Of course, my mom taught my siblings and me much more than reading alone. We had all the normal subjects: math, language, history, science, and so forth. But the most valuable skill she gave us was the ability to acquire knowledge independently and apply that knowledge practically. In my humble opinion, that is the essence of homeschooling.

Rats by Debi Pearl

Another Great article found on No Greater Joy.  Pure inspiration. Parenting takes a lifetime, holding hands, and walking together, not leaving them to themselves.

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By Debi Pearl 

I went down into the hole in which they live, breed, fight, exist. I had been there before, not to this particular hole but holes so similar they all run together in my mind. A quick check told me the child would be born before morning. The business of the moment caught and held my attention until I could see the head crowning. For an instant time stood still and I was forcefully reminded of eternity. A sob rushed over me before I could get control; another soul was breaking forth into eternity. Another living being to spend eternity honoring the God of all or suffering in a burning hell. As the impact hit me, my soul cried within, a cry that has echoed down through time as Job, Jeremiah, and Matthew proclaimed, each in his own way, “It had been good for that man if he had not been born.” What chance had he of knowing eternal things when all around the rats that call themselves humanity breed, fight and die? The fog of despair began to dissipate as the baby moved down the birth canal. As my hands reached forth I felt a stir of pure longing as prayer poured forth from my soul. “Oh God, take this child for thine own. Cause this child to know you, to honor you, cause his life to show your mercy and grace.” And as I wrapped the baby and put him to the breast of the young girl that was now a mother, God spoke to me, “Your job has only just begun. Pray, seek to minister, hold them until they know you care, then tell them I care.” I took peace in knowing there was hope. But there are so many . . . Perhaps it is my age that causes me to ponder and then rejoice or weep. When someone comes rejoicing with the news the so and so family just had their tenth child I can only pretend I don’t see a sad future. My mind registers the oldest rebellious daughter who is destined for the hole. I wonder if I will be helping her with her first welfare baby. The second child is a son, overweight and moody. What kind of dad will he make? What kind of sons will he raise? The third, who knows which way she will go, she hasn’t reached the age of decision yet. The three small children are untrained and are sadly lacking self-discipline, just like their older counterparts. How many families are right where this family is, right now? More than I care to acknowledge. Daddy is always gone, trying to make a living, Mom is always sick or tired, so the children are left to themselves. Do they think the Proverbs didn’t have the truth when it says, “. . . but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame”? It takes more than the birth to make a Saint. It takes a new birth. As I sit in the airport waiting to board, I overhear a struggling mother having a conversation with another. “And how many children do you have?” “Really,” she responds in a sanctimonious tone after hearing the other’s response. “I have seven so far.” I look around and count. Yes, there are seven. The three-year-old is in the stroller yelling in a loud, angry, demanding voice, “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! I want to be pushed right now! DADDY!” The shrill voice screeches on and on. But Daddy is trying to make ticket connections as well as struggling with the five-year-old who is having a very bad day; perhaps he is tired from traveling. Mother is nursing the baby while another child quietly goes through someone else’s belongings. The oldest children sit and stare at the TV. I want to stand up and apologize to those in the airport waiting room. I want to say, “This woman knows not what she does.” Instead I put my head down and pretend I don’t notice. I am so tired of pretending. What am I trying to say? I am saying, there is no difference between the birth of your precious new one and those delivered in the hole. There is no guarantee of salvation. Your children from birth are empty vessels prone to an animal’s existence of eating, drinking, demanding, commanding, taking and using. And they will do and be all that unless you choose to train them to be self-disciplined. And even more importantly, they need to see in you a God that is real, living and acting in and through you. Then they will hunger and thirst for righteousness instead of what the world has to offer. If you don’t have something true and real with God, don’t expect Him to circumvent life’s natural consequences just because you have ten home-birthed, homeschooled children. Having children is a temporal blessing. Raising a child to fear and know the living God is eternal. It requires an everyday, all-consuming commitment. Don’t tell me how many you have birthed; tell me how many are this day walking in truth. Well, you say, they are all under seven years old. Then how many this day are walking in the truth they have? Are you raising them today to be Saints of the Living God? Because it is many todays that make them what they will be tomorrow. If at two years old they are pitching fits, if at seven years old they quietly refuse to obey a simply command, then at 14 years of age they will be like the rats, living to gratify their lust. The vast majority of people who seek our help seek it for their teenagers. When we make mention of the disobedience of the two- or seven-year-old they are offended and don’t think we know what we are talking about. I want to shout, “Give me your unbroken vessel; you have already spoiled your teens with years of leaving them to themselves.” Why do you think the younger five children will be any better than the two you have already raised? I can tell you from experience, it usually works the other way. It takes today and every day for the rest of your life to raise a child. Are you up to the task? Will you join me with a cry of pure longing, “Oh, God, take this child for thine own. Cause this child to know you, to honor you, cause his life to show your mercy and grace?” And will you hear the Savior say, “Your job has only just begun.”

Pacification Parenting by Michael Pearl

I read this awesome post today that a friend shared about parenting.  It was moving so I wanted to make sure I had it to remember.

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By Michael Pearl

Children begin life totally dependent upon someone else. Parents are gifted with a hormonal instinct to protect and nurture their young—a most compelling and satisfying drive. Nothing is required of the infant. We patiently tolerate crying, waking us in the night, throwing up all over us, and still we rush to meet their every need and desire. But, in about eighteen years, we will expect them to be totally autonomous souls fully responsible for themselves. That’s one crazy eighteen years, and who is sufficient for these things? Many kids are not ready to take responsibility when the time comes. Most are still not ready at thirty. Over half of the population never becomes productive members of society. They expect someone else to assume responsibility for their happiness—parents, government, labor union, spouse, or others. When life falls apart it is someone else’s fault. They make the perfect socialists in a welfare state that is presiding over its decline. How does this happen and what can we as parents do to guarantee that our sons and daughters grow up to be men and women with the dignity of responsibility and self sufficiency? Homeschooling is a good start, pretty much indispensable, but much more is required. There are many reasons why most kids grow up to be underachievers and over-demanders, but we are going to address the most destructive and universal. Parents fail to transition their dependent infants into self sufficiency. That transition should begin at about six months, when a child learns to feed himself, and it is a bell curve thereafter. Every day opens up new opportunities for the child to take responsibility for his life. By one year of age we expect him to wait and be patient. By the time he is two or three years old, he should begin taking responsibility for others in the household, performing family chores that serve the group, like picking up, washing dishes, cleaning, carrying in firewood, etc. His contribution won’t be much and will be harder on us than doing it ourselves, but it is indispensable to his training. A three-year-old should learn not to interrupt and to be respectful of the property of others, assisting adults in their chores. The six-year-old should be completely responsible to dress himself and clean his room, including changing sheets and vacuuming. By the time he is ten years old he should be doing the work of a man, and the ten-year-old girl should be able to replace her mother entirely, caring for her or others when they are sick. We are not talking slave labor; our experience is that of a happy, well adjusted child with a high sense of self worth as she plays her part as a contributing member of the social order. The Amish say, “Through about their third year children are dependent and require extra labor to maintain—a drain on the family. The four to seven-year-old pays his way, is not a drain but neither is he profitable. After seven the child is a profit to the family, yielding more than it costs to maintain him.” The more children there are in a family over seven years of age the more productive the family and the easier it is on the parents to make a living and maintain the home. That would be the experience of any farm family; it was the experience of our great grandparents. Family is a corporate endeavor, a place where children learn to accept responsibility and do their part for the group. The healthy family prepares children for the adult world into which they will eventually emerge, teaching them to become makers instead of takers, independent instead of dependent. They cannot become confident and powerful if they remain dependent on family, government, employers, or spouses for their happiness. Herein is the problem. It is twofold. First, the modern structure of the home does not lend itself to raising children to assume responsibility. Kids are not needed. How many families need their children to cut and split firewood? Who gathers eggs and feeds the horses and cows? How many are carrying and heating hot water for washing clothes or taking baths? How many must grind wheat and knead bread? There was a time when children learned responsibility from even the most ignorant and inept parent because the lifestyle placed demands upon them, a situation that no longer exists in 99.9 percent of our homes. Today, in our modern, automated, digital, industrialized world, children are treated like potted plants, watered and nourished, loved and displayed, but of no practical use. Second, and this is the subject at hand, parents are reluctant to make demands of their children that might cause discomfort. Today’s kid is overindulged and underengaged. Overindulged children are the product of pacification parenting. It is easier to appease and make happy than to instruct and constrain to responsible action. Today’s parents must make an effort to find areas of responsibility for the child, and then it has an artificial feel to it, leaving the child questioning, “Why should I have to do this?” When the child balks and is unhappy with doing his assigned duty, parents feel guilty or just find it easier to do it themselves. After all, the automated world in which we live does not provide a full day’s work for even one person in the family. And to complicate the situation ever further, many parents like the good feeling they get when serving their children. Overindulged children in their consumption are momentarily made happy and reward their benefactors with delightful smiles. Parents become addicted to pleasing because it feels so good. And to interrupt the little guy’s pleasure with demands is not going to feel good. Serving them beyond the time when they are capable of doing it themselves is a parent’s way of saying, “I love you; I wash your clothes; I pick up after you; I fix your meals and clean up while you play games because I love you. It makes you so happy when I do something for you, so I will be your servant and you will love me for it.” But there comes a time when the big kid is obnoxiously unthankful and expects love to come in the form of unconditional service. An undisciplined, overindulged child will grow up to expect society and family to make them happy with no painful contribution on their part. Their sense of entitlement grows with every unearned reward. Motel maids get more gratitude. The overindulged child is the undeveloped child and becomes the incompetent adult with poor social skills and a lousy self-image. Parents are the only hope children have. A daddy’s duty is to prepare his children to be overcomers in a world that is hostile to hope and holiness. It should be our goal to work ourselves out of a job as quickly as possible, to bring them to the place where they possess the wisdom and will to act autonomously. Happiness is found in producing for the benefit of others. Eating out of a common pot when you haven’t put in more than you take out lends itself to moral weakness and a poor self-image. No child wants to learn self discipline. Their human propensity is to avoid work and responsibility, so they must be organized and managed and, where necessary, constrained. Our children learn by observation and participation. It is daily habits that train up children and communicate worldviews. A child develops work habits by working regularly. It is the parents’ responsibility to organize and manage in ways that instill good habits. Accepting the sacrifices of duty and self control is a slow process done in increments, like learning to walk barefooted on sharp rocks. One’s feet must be toughed one step at a time. Many little pains of service and duty, tolerated in increments, produce tough individuals with moral earnestness and a willingness to suffer the pain of responsible action. You cannot overindulge a kid until he is eighteen and then suddenly endow him with duty. It will be shockingly painful on his tender, pampered soul. The overindulged, grown kid possesses a worldview that does not include painful self-denial. So don’t expect a child to choose the painful path of participation. List their duties on a spreadsheet if necessary and put it on the wall to be checked off when completed. Take your child by the hand and do the chores of life together. Make duty fun and full of fellowship. Children develop a sense of duty by being managed into consistently performing meaningful acts of service to the family unit—by being needed in tangible ways. Most parents think love is a magic bullet. It is the one indispensable foundation, but feelings or gestures of love will not provoke children to accept the pain of self denial. Being needed emotionally does not grow character; it breeds unhealthy dependence. But we all need to be needed in ways that make us know we are valued for what we do. We are not comforted by being loved unless we know we are making a contribution to those who love us. The loved child who doesn’t give back becomes narcissistic and either arrogantly self promoting or self loathing, possibly both. The work of love is found not in making the other person comfortable in their shortcomings, but rather in allowing them to become uncomfortable while addressing harmful habits. When you fail to constrain your child to right action, such as picking up after himself or cleaning his bathroom, but do it for him, you are not loving him; you are serving your own feelings by avoiding conflict that would make you uncomfortable. Few parents train their children to control impulses and gracefully accept delayed gratification; much less are children cultivated to discern good and evil and exercise self denial. Humanity is awesome and heavenly in its ability to act wisely, contrary to impulses and passions, choosing truth and righteousness over indulgence and intemperance. In contrast, humanity is vulgar and depraved in its propensity to follow the path of pleasure and indiscriminately indulge like an inbred dog with no master beyond appetite. The world is a battleground of good and evil, and let’s be honest, evil usually wins the day as good retreats to a lonely spot in hopes of survival. In conclusion, remember the words organize and manage. That is what you should do right now. Sit down and write out an organized plan to involve your children in meaningful responsible chores. Determine right now that you will not give in to your feelings of needing to serve, and that you will be tough when they whine and act like they are in pain when called upon to do their part. When you have created a general plan for the day, then determine to be the hawkish manager of your new enterprise. Above all, keep it light and fun. Never give in to whining, accusing, complaining, threatening, or anger. When you organize and manage there is never any need to be angry, for you are in control and no longer depend on intimidation to force them to choose rightly. You have organized and managed them into doing what they should. Remember, their feet will toughen one step at a time. Each step will be a little bit painful, but bearable. In time they will be toughened to the pain of duty and responsible actions, growing strong in self sufficiency and service to others.

Growing Forward

Well, even though April was somewhat sad there has still been an awesome amount of JOY and I can see God growing us through the loss and the pleasure of raising 5 wonderful arrows.  

Satan is good...it is almost as if he has come into the loss and stirred my children towards tough behavior, discontent, not getting along...the list goes on.

In that not-so-quiet discontent have been many lessons for me. The forging of a fresh point of view.  The furnace which refines my approach with my children.  The realization that I AM NOT PERFECT and the regrets and mistakes I have can only be any good to any body if I give them to God and allow Him to make Silver in the Refining Fire.

If I fail to allow Him to use those moments of struggle, regret, hardship, the ones I can't get back when I overreacted or spoke too harsh or expected too much then they are for NOT, lost on the frailty of the Human Condition rather than FOUND in His Love and forged into something beautiful in His Mercy and Grace.

Grace...this concept of Christian, biblical Grace is actually foreign to so many well intentioned Christians I know.  We speak about God Grace, we accept it fully because without it we would have nothing, but we fail so often to ponder how Grace is supposed to shape the Gospel that is alive and risen within us.

Even recently I've watched a Christian women fail to offer another woman grace on any measure.  We so quickly slip into legalism and judgement rather than remembering that our own "GOOD WORKS" are as filthy rags to Him.  He, our Gracious God, is much more interested in our hearts.

We make choices for our family, seek to be conservative, modest, kept from the world, what have you, and in making that choice we automatically call it BEST and judge others for not coming to the same conclusion.  Isn't God refining each of us in a different fire with a varying temperature?  

I'm not by any means that in so many things we find God's word to be explicit, black and white instead of gray and those issues ought to not be handle with passivity but should also not be absent of Grace.  In the areas in which we find a varying degree of application we MUST exhibit Grace or we lose our influence upon others.

Not only do I feel the desire to see God's perfect GRACE in my own life more than I ever have before, but I desire to display GRACE to those around me and especially my children. 

For, if I fail to exhibit for my children God's explicit biblical principals without Grace I rob them of the ability to both see God's GRACE for them which in turns keeps them from truly being able to offer it to another. And isn't that what the Gospel is about?  The Gospel that is alive and breathing....not past or history but alive.

If my children leave my home without being able to extend Grace...their impact for the Gospel will be lost.

If my children cannot discern God's word, make decisions that align with His will, and fail to see others through the lens of Grace...they've missed the Gospel.

I'd rather make some mistakes, have some regrets, overexpose them to a degree (movies, music, people) and have them see the need for GRACE when it comes to the human condition than have children who think the world ought to live by their own standards and who miss the need for God's Grace.  We cannot wrap them in bubble wrap. That creates rebellion. We cannot teach them religion...that also creates rebellion.  Rather, we must allow them to see the depravity of man, our desperately lost souls, and to see the world with a heart of forgiveness.

Don't freak out...I am not saying we don't discriminate what our children watch or see or hear or that we don't consider a healthy sense of ignorance over naivety...We homeschool not to keep our children from the WORLD but to prepare them for it.  With God's truth, GRACE and His love.

Swimming Already

Justin's parents came out to visit, Grandma and Grandpa as they are formally called!  We always love when they come to visit.  So, we decided to invite Jarom and Charla and Heidi and Joseph up to play, eat, and just hang out.  Then, then on Monday we went to Heidi's house and swam!  We had a great time. 

While they were here they took the kids to Jumpstreet, which they loved of course.  I had a chance to catch my breath and have a little break.  The kids love to be with them so it works out awesomely.  We went for a hike the next day, the day before they had to leave. It was perfect weather and the kids did great.  

I'm so glad they came and stayed for almost five days.  Such a blessing.

The Sad Truth

Sadly, after finally getting around to posting about the new baby, we have sad news.  That precious little baby was taken to Heaven on April 15th.  The reality is I'm not actually sure when the heart beat slipped away but for us, closure came that Sunday.

I've spent the last several days praying, thinking, quietly breathing it all in and out to consider God's hand in the loss and the path ahead.  I'm mixed with emotions. 

Guilt, grief, disappointment, relief of the passing after four days of miscarrying.  God has even been faithful in allowing it to pass naturally.

There is guilt for being sad when so many people suffer the same or worse losses. 


Grief and disappointment to know there will be no baby in November. 


God must be here in this loss...His will hasn't slipped from us...we are right in the middle of it but somehow can't see through the fog of it all.


I have tried to make sense of it with my own human nature.  The why's and how's of it all.  I simply know I cannot make sense of God's perfect, faithful plan.  We must only trust it.


Trust...Faith...Rest...all difficult words in the times of sadness, loss, struggle, or hardship.  They roll off the tongue easily but settling into the heart is another story.


These are not things I can say I did well through the growth of my relationship with God.  He has slowly refined my perspective as disappointments come and go.  They've come both walking in His will as well as out of His will. As Christians we are not exempt from trials, opportunities to trust, follow, rest and obey.


I can see, looking back, how I've been able to see more of God's plan and trust more of His will.  Only recently in my adult life as a mother and a wife with a solid Christian husband have I been able to pause in a moment of disappointment to refresh where my value, trust and faith lies. 


In HIM, in HIM, in HIM, my mind repeats it over and over as my human nature attempts to thwart this trust  of Him and His will. 


In the moments when the bleeding began I had retained hope.  Maybe this was nothing, just some first trimester spotting. It wasn't anything heavy.  

As I went to sleep that night I prayed to the Lord for clarity as to whether I should go in or wait it out.  When I woke in the morning I clearly heard God whisper to me..."Go".  I called and was able to see someone that day, and God provided a sitter for my children so I might go alone.

In the hours leading up to my appointment I repeated to myself that the Lord's will would remain most important. I would trust. I would rely on Him. I couldn't change His ultimate design.

In the moments leading up to the confirmation as the bleeding became heavier, I just knew...

As I heard her say the baby did not have a heartbeat I felt the weight of the unknown lift and my grief began, and relief actually set in.

It was a strange feeling really.  Sad for losing the baby but relieved to finally know for sure what my instincts had already told me.  God had been whispering to me so the news did not shock more than it provided relief.

The kids happened to be playing outside so I took a moment to cry, to consider what it all meant, to wonder what would happen next and to tell them the news.  The next few hours I asked myself lots of questions and God quietly said, "Me...think of me."

It did not stop the wondering but rather soothed it. I had to keep coming back to Him. There was no other answer.  He was the giving and taker of life...He gave and He took and He has a plan.

There was plenty of temptation to blame myself, be too sad, angry...emotions can go crazy.  I tried to quiet them all and just try to find the joy.

We have been given so much.  We are truly blessed with our five, beautiful, healthy children. How could I ask God for more?  If He gives more...we will rejoice.

My desire for a sixth child has not been shaken. I will not let fear hold me back from what is the Lord's to decide.  Caution has stirred inside of me. I've taken for granted the gift of five beautiful children, naturally conceived and long grown and nurtured in the womb.


It's been a week now since the baby passed from my body and the hope of November 2 has come and gone.  A NEW DAY will be given if God gives us 6 and if we will remain at 5 we will be THANKFUL.


I'm sure this will take reminding.  It is so easy to think ahead, to hope for what you don't have, to consider what you want rather than rejoicing in what you have. 


LORD, help me to rejoice in what you have given to us. Remind us of your Grace, Mercy and Faithfulness. In those moments of weakness whisper to me where my value lies.

The Coolest Salamander

The kids took a drive up to Ladybug with Doug and found the coolest Salamanders we've ever seen.

Cole got sick and threw up in the car right when they got there so they didn't get to stay long. But, while they were there they had a great time!

To the Coast

We had the pleasure of spending the day at the coast at Los Osos where we got to hike out about 1 mile or so and then down to the tide pools.  The kids had a great time hiking a relatively flat trail along the top of the cliff along the shore line.  Doug carried Westin in the backpack and sometimes had Brynn too. For him I think the hike was much more of a work out!

Once we got out to the tide pools the kids got to climb around on the stone carved out by the water and look for shells and treasures.  They found lots of fun things in the cracks and crevices of the rocks.  They taunted the waves that were crashing quite far up along the shore, the tide seemed to be in very high that day.  Cole eventually got swallowed up by the waves and ended up soaked.  All the kids eventually got wet.  Fortunately I brought a change of clothes.

The weather was beautiful and we soon made our way back to the van. We headed a little further South for the Butterfly Park.

There is a park in which the Monarch Butterfly's stop and gather as they migrate to and from Mexico.  It was getting chilly outside and Westin was sleeping so I stayed in the car while the kids walked the path to the butterflys. I could see them fluttering around from the van, high up in the trees. It was awesome.

We headed to the beach from there to have a picnic dinner against the sunset at the water. Grabbed some ice cream and headed up to the Hot Springs.

Unfortunately we were not able to get into the Hot Springs b/c the kids were not 8 years old. We were sad but we headed home for some much needed rest.

The kids had a great time and although we wish daddy could have joined us, it was nice to go on a day when the weather was so great.

Brynn Turns 3

Having a birthday party at Grandma and Grandpa Martin's house was exactly the thing Brynn wanted this year! She was so excited to have a party.  

Lacey and Stacey were so nice to plan a little party for Brynn on Saturday, invited over some very nice friends of theirs in Hanford to play games and eat pizza and cake.  She dressed up as a princess, we decorated the house, and ordered a Hello Kitty cake.  

Richard's mom carved this amazing Hello Kitty out of Styrofoam, it was so cool.  

Before we left for Hanford, she did get to open a few presents from my parents which included an awesome Hello Kitty sleeping bag that she then slept in the entire time she was in CA.  There are a bazillion photos to share of her special day so I'll just pick the best ones.  

I can't believe my little girl is 3 years old.  3 years...it's sounds like forever to me.  I just love her immeasurably.  She is precious, sweet, quiet at times but also very loud at times, she doesn't mind getting dirty, she likes to play with her brothers, and she loves it outside.  She still sucks her little first finger on her left hand especially when she is tired and has what seems to be a growing need to stick her finger in my belly button when she tired or bored or snuggling. 

She LOVES her daddy!!!

She LOVES Gymboree, thanks Grammy!!!

She likes to ride her motorcycle, be driven in the jeep by the brothers, take baths, not eat all her breakfast, make people laugh, torture the boys over simple things and she likes to color.  She's got this high pitched voice that echoes in your head when she is upset but a sweet little voice when she is being loving and kind.  She is happy almost all the time, almost, and most often just wants to be near to me or daddy or grammy and when in CA, grandma.  She likes Yogurt or even more so Frozen Yogurts, sweets of any kind, fruit, spaghetti, chips, and PB and J sandwiches. She wants to sleep in the same room as the boys pretty much all the time and loves her pink blankets.  

She LOVES princesses and Hello Kitty and anything Pink, Purple and Brown or Orange, apparently those colors are her favorite. smile.

Her hair has grown so long this year and it's so pretty, most of the time when it's combed and done!  She doesn't love the comb!  She does love pajamas and is such an easy girlie to put down for a nap or for bed. She often comes and tells us she is tired and goes right to sleep.  Praise the Lord.

She makes friends easy, loves people, love dogs, tries new things, in some ways she is often fearless and other ways she can be shy and timid.  She has mastered the loud whining and it often works for her, unfortunately! smile.  She likes to have her nails painted but it doesn't last long because she always going and moving and running to keep up with the boys!

It is truly special to have a daughter and one so precious as her.  Her brown eyes melt my tender heart and raising her with high standards can be challenging when she peers into your soul with her precious face!  

Our family would not be the same without her and I'm so thankful God gave her to us.  

Happy Third Birthday my sweet, firey, crazy, beautiful girl!