Welcome to the World sweet Beau

I've been reflecting on your birth recently, after having McCoy. So I penned this letter to you to remind myself just how precious you are to me!

My precious Beau entered the world early morning with the sun shining in through the window of our room surrounded by his brother's and his sister.

After losing a baby last April there was nothing my heart desired more than to fill that space with a precious little one.  I had set my heart on that precious soul that awaits us in heaven and I longed to see God's creation in completion again.

Beau YOU are the answer to my every prayer in those days.  Carrying you in my womb anticipating your arrival with joy.  I was tired and weary running after those brothers and your sister but I longed to hold you.

As one by one our little ones came down with the 24 hour flu, mamma got hit hard.  I was friends with the porcelain goddess (I'm not fond of her) and wretching in a way I hadn't experienced in a long while.  This, my love, sent me into contractions.

9 days prior to your predicted arrival I felt you shift down and the power of giving you your first breath took over.  That evening after laying everyone down in our room for the night with their sick tummy's and sweaty brows, I knew you were coming.

I spent that night on the couch with my headphones on and the audio I had created to keep my mind focused on Christ whispering in my ears.  I knew the road could be long and I wanted to rest.  God granted me that prayer and through many portions of the night I rested and fell asleep between contractions.  No children rose, no one threw up, my sickness faded and when the morning broke at 6:00am I told your daddy it was the day.

I called my friends we had invited into your birth space and texted the midwife letting her know you were coming today.

As soon as the children were up the bustle began and daddy spent the earliest morning preparing the room/bed. My parents arrived to help with the older kiddos and I labored around the house moving from spot to spot finding comfort and ease in the contractions.

It felt like a breeze miraculously.  I was overjoyed to be home and to have everyone there.  As things progressed, within a short 5 hours you had made your way down we prepared for your entrance.  All your siblings gathered round and the pressure intensified.

Carol moved that cervical lip I always have, it's as painful as it can get, but once it was moved you were barreling into the world.

It was just the most perfect and precious experience for me to be home and to bring you up into my arms.  With all the children gathered around to see you take your first breath, we instantly fell in love. I praise the Lord for your most precious and perfect birth and I am blessed beyond measure.

I hold you close sweet boy. I treasure you. You are a gift to me and I'm so thankful to be your mommy. I would repeat that experience a thousand fold for the joy of holding a little one again!

Christmas with my Kiddos

Christmas this year was great.  The kids were precious as usual. We did a limited amount of gifts this year and they were more than blessed.  Their adorable jammies from Grandma and Grandpa Martin were a hit. They always enjoy Christmas Jammies.  

We spent the day with my parents and my sister and Nik.  It was a calm day with lots of love!

We also celebrated Hanukkah this year.  This was our second year participating in the Hanukkah tradition. I LOVE Hanukkah even more than Christmas.  Christmas has been largely commercialized. It's all about the gifts no matter how much we read and talk about Jesus.  

But, Hanukkah is a chance to celebrate something that really happened with the Jewish people that showed God's grace, provision, mercy and commitment to them.  I love talking with the kids about the true light, Jesus, and how through the OT we see the holiday of Hanukkah differently.  It's such an awesome piece of history. 

Another Christmas has come and gone and Cole is now 9 turning 10 in 2015.  Time flies and they grow and a piece of me each year goes with them! Love you darling babies. 

Mommy

The Giving Mother

I've been following Ann for years now...she's helped to mold my mother's heart when it becomes broken and weary.  Although I'm still such a work in progress my perspective has been formed and has grown...slow as it may be. And although I grow weary and often selfish, she helps me to remember the Giving Mother this morning.  Two days from Mother's Day and she has written words that pierce through the often forgotten or simply expected labor of a mother.

The world doesn't mean to forget mothers. We are like a working horse.  Cherished, valued, and worn with love but sometimes there is the taking for granted. I think His creation sings praises to mother's every time it brings a new life to take it's first breath.  Mothering is an aspect of G-d, given to the woman..the feminine side of being made in His image, the one we all cling to when we feel broken, lost, or needing someone to guide us through our fleshly life on earth.

And at times, and by no fault of their own, that man, whose loving arms support me can forget the goodness and grace of his children's mother.  But, I want to take heart in knowing he too can be forgotten and his work can be taken for granted.  This is why we work unto the Lord.  We hold our children's hands, keep a home, prepare a meal, and measure our value as unto the Lord.  Being a mother is like having 1 foot on earth and another in heaven.

Today I also read, "we are not mortal beings having a spiritual experience, but “spiritual beings having a mortal experience.” (Pierre Teilhard de Chardin)  I don’t know much. But what I do know is this mortal life is a place to learn and grow under the tutelage of a Divine Teacher; a place where we learn how to see in the dark and hear the voice of God in our own wilderness."

This from a man who has lost his son in these past days. To be reminded we are here to glorify our maker...in our motherhood He has chosen to sculpt us for a purpose and in that purpose see and experience more of Him.

I put this in my blog today not only to remind myself as I read back at the books I have printed, but to also share with my children who will one day read these words.   To share also with my friends who are also walking this sometimes lonely yet lovely path of motherhood.  Remember the most gracious God we serve planted you here, for this time, this season and with these blessings.  Soak them in.

I can't put into words these love she has already spoken here.  Ann Voskamp has given mothers a glimpse of our treasured life.   Read it here and then go there...and read it all again!

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The Giving Mother who lets us take up whole places inside of you, who keeps making spaces, who never stops making spaces, growing soft and round, stretching thinner and growing fuller, your hearts and hips widening with a widening grace.

I never get over the shade of you, the grace of you, the limbs of you, the God-made Giving Tree —

Because God needed someone to love the least and the little into real whole people, and He knew that to love is to suffer so God made a mother.

God had said –

I need someone to get up at midnight and scoop the most fragile of humanity close to her warmth and rock though she can hardly stand.

And nourish though she’s mostly sleep-starved and change the diaper and the sheets and the leaked on, leaked through, and leaked down clothes though she’ll have to change them in the morning and next week and that won’t change for years.

So God made a Mother.

That God had said I need somebody with a strong heart.

Strong enough for toddler tantrums and teenage testing, yet broken enough to fall on her knees and pray, pray, pray.

Someone who knows that in every hard place is exactly where you extend grace, who looks a hopeful child in the eye and says yes, even though she knows every yes means a mess but this is how you bless, who has the courage to keep letting go because she’s holding on to Me.

So God made a mother.

God said I need somebody who can shape a soul and find shoes on Sunday mornings and get grass stains out of Levis.

And make dinner out of nothing and do it again 79, 678 times, and keep kids off the road and out of the toilet and in clean underwear and mainly alive though she’s mainly losing her mind and will put in an 80 hour week by Wednesday night and just do one more load of laundry.

And one more sink of crusted burnt pots.

And keep on going another eighty hours because raising generations matters and weaving families matters and tying heart strings matters and these people here in hidden places matter.

So God made a mother…

It had to be somebody who could comb back pigtails and tie up skates just-right tight.

Who could pretend she remembered algebra and how to get home from here and that really, she was just fine, no, really and that it must just be those silly onions.

Somebody who would run for the catch, jump on a trampoline and play one fierce game of soccer and not give a thought to all those labors and her weak pelvic floor.

Somebody who’d stay up late with a science project that never ends, who’d get up early for the game in the rain, somebody who’d wave at the door until the taillights were out of sight and still be smiling brave.

So God made a mother.

It had to be somebody willing to keep loving when it made no sense because that’s what love does.

Somebody who knew that life is not an emergency but a gift — so just. slow. down. There are children at play here and we don’t want anyone to get hurt and the hurry makes us hurt.

Somebody willing to feed and lead, lay down her life and pick up her cross, give of her time because they have her heart. Someone who knows that we all blow it — and what matters most is what we do with it afterward. 

Someone who could humble herself into the tender sorry that covers a multitude of sins.

Someone who would live like a Giving Tree — who would would give grace, give life, and give thanks—   eucharisteo: the giving thanks for every grace that gives back always joy. 

Someone who would stand in the mess and the midst and give thanks anyways — becauseeucharisteo always, always, precedes the miracle of discovering that the Giver Himself is always,always more than enough.

Someone who would live it a thousand times:  Give thanks – and discover that the Giver Himself is the Gift and He alone is always, always enough.

Someone who would pour out and bend down and surrender not only to the physical pain of childbirth but the far deeper, unending heart pain of letting go, letting go, letting go –  from the womb, from the arms, from the front door.

Someone who would know that umbilical cords can be cut — but heart strings never can.

Someone who’d bow her head at night over the girl sleeping with the doll in the crook of her arm — and give thanks to her Father for this hidden life that’s turning a gear for the whole spinning world.

So God made a mother.

You.

The Giving Mother, made by God to be a safe shelter….

with your roots dipping like lines into aquifers to siphon love up out of the caving cup of His hands –

The Giving Mother clinging to The Giving Father who erases all ache with the grace of  a Cross Tree.

A Rebecca and An Isaac

Abraham sent Eliezer off to find a suitable wife for Isaac.  Sarah, the Princess of The Nation, had recently passed and Isaac needed a wife that would fill Sarah's shoes.

There was an essential characteristic that Eliezer was looking for in a potential wife, something ingrained in—and part and parcel of—the family of Abraham: boundless lovingkindness, termed "Chessed". Abraham's Chessed is a Divine loving kindness and grace.

What made Abraham’s chessed unique was not that he welcomed and catered to his guests in the most generous and impeccable manner, but rather that he actively searched for the opportunity to do such deeds. He wasn’t happy to serve merely those who came to him; he would go out to the crossroads, anxious to be of service. Abraham was an initiator, treasuring the chance to help another.

This was the quality he looked for in a future wife for Isaac. Eliezer divised a plan (not an Omen, in that an Omen that is not related to an event is forbidden, for example, if it rains tomorrow it must mean G-d wants me to do such and such) set forth by G-d which would display a woman's character. Eliezer was on the hunt for a woman worthy of Isaac and his future as The Nation of G-d.

He set out to test the ladies as the well (known as the camel test). Eliezer did not appear as a helpless, weary chap begging for a drink. And Rebecca, the daughter of Bethuel, the ruler of Aram Naharaim, was a young woman of nobility, not a poor servant girl accustomed to lugging water from wells. But this is precisely where Eliezer was able to get a glimpse of the righteous Rebecca. From the moment he requested to take a sip from her jug, her generosity and greatness radiated in the most discreet and unassuming manner.

 First, that boundless chessed came forth. Rebecca immediately gave him a drink, then offered and drew water for all his camels. She saw an opportunity to do something kind, and swiftly went to work. She didn’t question or consider whether she was really needed; instead, she energetically continued filling multiple troughs with water, until the job of satisfying a whole herd of

thirsty camels was completed . . . while Eliezer and his men watched her work unassisted.

She had one motivation: to give to someone else with kindness. That intense desire to reach out to others and to jump at the prospect of being of service matched the profile of Abraham’s family.

The “camel test” was a glimpse of Rebecca’s greatness, as she conducted herself in what she would have considered ordinary everyday activity. 

In contrast, evil has no intrinsic existence; it therefore has an existential need to receive. No matter how much it possesses, this need to receive remains unsatisfied, making it seek only to take and never to give. Therefore, the hallmark of evil is selfishness.

Eliezer therefore sought a woman for Isaac who would display kindness. When Rebecca went beyond fulfilling his specific request by offering to also water his camels, he saw her expression of kindness as an indication that she was a Godly person and thus a fitting match for the son of Abraham Rebecca teaches us to take this goal of boundless loving kindness, chessed, and challenge ourselves with real, selfless commitment.

Rebecca teaches us to be initiators, to look for times and places where we can be of service, to be proactive and useful, without calculating whether there are others around who could, or should, do the same. Abraham, Isaac and Eliezer all know how important this choice of bride will be for the Nation of Israel. 

There is a unique ability of Jewish women and girls—who are all "daughters" of Sarah and Rebecca—to influence the spiritual character of the home, illuminating it with the holiness.

In reading this story in the Torah, both through Oral and Written Law, I made a note to myself, which I type here as a reminder, of those qualities that make "A Rebecca" and those that make "An Isaac".

I would love nothing more than to intentionally pray such qualities into my children in our efforts to raise them. Teaching my sons to be an Isaac and what to look for in their Rebecca is critical. To teach Brynn to be A Rebecca and look for her Isaac, also critical to their future.

Rebecca: modest, loving kindness, observant, sees a need and fills it, goes above and beyond, noble, righteous, and maternal. She is the second matriarch of G-d's People.

Isaac: Righteous, awe and restraint, noble, honorable, holy, delicate spirit, aspired to greater spiritual heights, living example of truth and service to G-d.

These attributes I pray for my children. Lord help me, help them, to embody these things you value so much.

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This is an awesome explanation of why Isaac's prayer was heard and cleared Rebecca's barreness.

Most of the information in this post can be found at www.chabad.org

Sending the Twins to Northwest Christian School

We would like to send the twins, with Cole, to Northwest Christian in 2014.

We have spent the first two months of school working on reading, math, money, time, writing, sentence structure, punctuation, verbs, nouns, bible lessons, memory verses, and so much more in between.  We have been considering transitioning the boys to NCS next year but I wanted to get a little further along in their skills to make sure when they transition they wouldn't be behind.  I DO NOT want little boys coming home defeated and frustrated.  That is just no way to live! I also wanted to be sure the Lord wanted us to make that move.

I think we are making excellent progress and although at times they seem to need reminding and prompting to remember things we went over, they have done remarkably well.  They are a whole year younger than Cole was in first grade.  Cole was 7, the twins are 6.  This makes a huge difference, along with their personalities, in their desire to learn, their ability, their interest.  Until recently I can say for a fact, Trace had little to no interest in learning to read.  And that is okay.  But, I wanted to encourage them to have more interest if we were going to consider them attending NCS.

I am not 100% sure as to the Lords wishes, but I do know we must take steps, in prayer, in order to find answers. Justin and I are stepping out in faith, considering it will cost about $16,000 to send all 3 boys to NCS.  The good news, after these three attend school, the 4th, 5th, and 6th ones are free! Wahooo.  But, raising, through tax credits, $16,000 will still be the LORDS total provision for our family and confirm we should be sending them there.  It is not an easy task to raise the money.  It takes planning, applications, letters, posts, swallowing one's pride :) and faith. We are acting in faith and allowing God to provide for the boys to attend school.

So, we are again partnering with AZTO.org, sending out letters, posting this to the blog, and sharing through social media the opportunity to designate your Arizona Tax Dollars towards Cole, Brody and Trace attending Northwest Christian in 2014/2015.

It might seem like a long time from now, but we have managed to get ahead of the fundraising curve.  Last year we were able to raise full tuition for Cole to attend school.  Praise the Lord, isn't HE good?!

By sending out letters now, we make the opportunity for our friends and family much more sweeter.

If you donate prior to December 31, 2013, you can claim your donation on BOTH your federal and state tax return.  The federal would be for donating towards a 501(c)3 and the state is for your state tax liability dollar-for-dollar credit.

If, for some reason, you would rather wait until 2014 to make a donation you can actually make a donation up until April 14, 2014 in order for it to be applied to your 2013 state liability tax filing.

Our family would be so BLESSED if you would partner with us by designating your Arizona State Tax Liability towards our boys attending Northwest Christian School.  It is a dollar-for-dollar credit so you will not lose anything by making this possible for our kids.

Please prayerfully consider making this donation on our behalf.  We are confident God plans to do great, amazing things through each of our readers who visit our blog and receive our letters.

If you have any questions, please contact us. We'd be happy to explain some things or direct you to where your answers can be found.

We are so thankful we live in a place where we can be intentional with our children's education. Second to homeschooling, which is incredible and absolutely what we recommend, Christian school is the only choice we would make.  We, as their parents, believe they should be in a place that honors Christ, puts Him first and into all aspects of education, and shows our children the righteous path. Thank you in advance for your consideration to help our family.

You can download the letter and donation form HERE!

If you desire to give but do not live in Arizona, we would certainly accept your donation, which cannot be applied towards your taxes and would simply come from the goodness of your heart, towards their tuition. You can contact me for more information about this type of donation as it cannot be made through AZTO.

30 Things I Want My Daughter to Know

As a compliment to the 25 Things I Want My Sons to Know, Lisa, wrote 25 Things I Want My Daughter to Know.  Again, because it was so cute I wanted to write it here in our blog, with some changes to wording, and a few additions.  It's just a sweet little note to leave for my only daughter, Brynnie Girl!

1. Enjoy the innocence of your childhood. You only get to be little once.  And, although daddy and I try to teach you how to be a lady, we also want you to enjoy being little.  Giggle, laugh, spin, run, and try to fly!

2. Smart is the new cool. Never be ashamed of being smart or nerdy, having freckles or glasses, or loving science and math.  Smart never goes out of style, it stays with you as you grow, and it will lead you down the most successful paths.

3. No matter how many times you hear it, “Diamonds are NOT a girl’s best friend.” Firstly, Jesus and the Lord love you the most and want the best for you. Secondly, good friends are invaluable.  They are trusting and loyal.  They stick with you through good times and bad, happy or sad.  Some will come and go, but your true friends will be with you always.

4. Go for it, get dirty! It’s good for you. Try not to get dirty in your new dress or in your socks...but get dirty none-the-less.  Besides the fact that getting dirty actually does help support your immunity, it’s also a great way to express creativity!  Sculpt, draw, and stomp.  Better yet, go “classic” and make some mud pies.

5. Beat the boys at their own games. Football, baseball, hockey or golf, never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something because you’re a girl.  So go ahead, build the tallest tower of legos, kick butt on Xbox, and bust out your light saber (there are about 20 of those things around the house).

6. Although Farts are Funny they aren't really Lady Like.  Be stealth and make them matter!

7.  See the world while you are young.  Make memories seeing the places you desire to see.  

8. A strong hand shake leaves a lasting impression. It represents self-confidence and ambition.  A strong hand shake and eye contact exemplifies a mutual respect for one another and is a sign that you are friendly, trustworthy, and honest. 

9. Choose your role models carefully. There is nothing cool about girls who sell themselves short, degrade themselves by using sexuality as their supreme value, or forget who their Creator is. Look up to women who are strong and capable but have self respect and desire to honor Jesus.

10. Read something every single day. From the Cat in the Hat and Dr. Seuss to Junie B Jones, reading is exercise for your brain.  It expands knowledge and vocabulary- and lets your imagination run wild.

11. When it comes to wearing make-up, there’s a general rule of thumb that applies – LESS is MORE. You are already so beautiful, inside and out.  Just let makeup boost your natural beauty.

12. When it comes to fashion, shorter does not always equal better.  Fashion trends come and go and not all of it is fabulous.  Allow fashion to express who you truly are...are daughter of the high king.

13. It isn't Lady Like to Pick Your Nose.  I know your brothers think it's great...it isn't. Get a tissue. 

14. Always remember your Daddy Loved You FIRST.  He is your biggest fan and your protector. Confide in him and come to him in times of need. He'll always be there for you.

15. Remember to Love Jesus First. Love Him so deeply your future husband has to find you in His arms in order to make you his bride.

16. Since you’re growing up in the technological age of iPad, iPod, iPhone, and texting, don't let it distract you from personal relationships and face to face time.  Make a phone call, write a letter, and put your arms around someone.

17. Be trustworthy.  Make a promise and follow through. Be a woman of your word.  Be someone people know they can always count on.

18. Don’t let pop culture define you. Let G-d define who you are.  You have a purpose and a calling in life and it cannot be found in pop culture.  It can only be found in the Lord.  You can be current without letting go of your true value. 

19. Accept yourself for who you are.  You’re one-of-a-kind and that’s what makes you beautiful.  Tall, short, big, small, blonde, brunette, redhead, white, brown, blue, pink, yellow – we are all DIFFERENT.

20. Mainstream your health. Remember what it takes to be truly healthy. No fear. No shame. Eat Well. Chiropractic care. Natural disease prevention. Exercise. Essential Oils.  Keep yourself healthy.

21. Have confidence in yourself. A positive self-image assures power, strength, ability, and value.  It will enable you to conquer your goals and allow you to fearlessly pursue your biggest dreams.

22. Be a sister. Be a friend. Be a protector.

23. Love with all your heart. For where there is love there is life.  Love is universal and felt by all living things.  So strong is the feeling of love that it is said it makes the world go round. Love God and Love Others!

24. Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. Laughter is humbling.  It inspires and motivates.

25. Wherever you are in life, you can come home.  I will be here – always.

26. Remember your brothers and your crazy childhood...it will keep you grounded and help you be a good wife.

27. Stay at Home and be a Mommy. There is truly nothing greater and more rewarding.

28. Find the man of your dreams.  Be sure you know what you are looking for, pray for him to find you and you him, and make a happy life full of love.

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29. Don't get distracted by having things. Things come and go. They break and they can be replaced.  Make Memories, be thankful for what you have, and always express Joy.

30. Remember how much we LOVE you! 

Love , Mom

30 Things I Want My Sons to Know

I found this little gem of a blogpost and just thought it was adorable.  I wanted to share it with my boys as well.  I have also added a few of my own.

1. When I look at you I see my life's purpose. I never imagined I had this much love to give until I had a baby. You have taught me that my heart and my capacity to love is not fixed, it grows and grows and grows.

2. It’s okay to let go of your penis.  It’s not going anywhere.  I've noticed that you hold your penis, talk about it, remind us you have one, and thrust it when dancing constantly.  I just want you to know that it will be there forever and you have your whole life ahead of you to play with it.

3. I will be happy to buy you a pink ball, a pink balloon, or a pink toothbrush if you so choose.  I understand that through your eyes the color pink is just that, a color.  It really makes no difference to you – and therefore should make no difference to me whether you want to wear a pink superhero cape or wings.

4. Your nose is NOT an appropriate place for the following items: crayons, beads, marbles, cheerios, pasta, peas, carrots, french fries, legos, q-tips, or your finger. Period.

5. Play. Draw. Paint. Create. Be willing to take risks and create things, even if they aren't perfect.

6. Farts are always funny...but as you get older try to keep them quiet...your wife will thank me someday.

7. Take your time summoning your inner genius.  Learning should be fun. There is a competitiveness that seems to have taken hold of every elementary school and playground in America.  The pressure to learn more – faster, quicker, better than your peers.  Never mind that mumbo jumbo. Although in many ways you learn quickly are very adept, for others learning takes time and everyone does it differently. Help others who need and never be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

8. Explore the outdoors.  Get outside as much as possible.  Breathe the fresh air.  Play tag.  Ride bikes.  Skip.  Hop.  Jump.  Run.  Climb.  NOW.

9. Accept others for who they are.  Be a good friend, help the weak, be-friend those who are lonely, and appreciate the differences all around you. G-d made all things and they are all beautiful in their own way.

10. Always keep look forward. G-d has plans for you and gazing behind you for too long keeps you from moving forward.  It is okay to reflect on the past to learn but don't dwell.  There is so much ahead of you.

11. You are Superman. You defy gravity...You move chairs, climb walls, jump from trees, and practically fly...all without a scratch. You have super human powers!

12. Love letters are legacies. Tell people you love them in written words.  Being able to keep love letters is soothing to the soul!

13. It’s okay to cry.  Crying is a natural emotional response to feelings.  We all do it.  Men cry.  Women cry.  Children cry.

14. Always be proud of who YOU are. I don't care if you are the captain of the football, homecoming king, in the band, or student council...just be YOU!

15. No respectable girl wants to see your penis.

Since you will be growing up in the technological age of iPhone and texting, you’ll inevitably come to learn the term “sexting.”  Let me tell you now that sexting is a big, big, BIG mistake.  Never ever, ever, ever, ever send a picture of a private body part to anyone.  Ever.

16. I hope I teach you well enough from a young age how to properly put on pants. One leg in, then the other, pull ‘em up at least to your hips, zip, button, buckle. Done.

17. Think before you ink. Tattoos are permanent. 

18. Learn to be helpful.  Cleaning, cooking, doing dishes are tasks for men too! Do them well. Your wife will be so thankful.

19. Travel and see the sites while you are young, but be responsible.

20. Find your passion. G-d gave you a purpose and a calling--go make it happen.

21. You will be my son forever.

22. Take care of creation, G-d make it and gave us stewardship over it.

23. Be a brother.  Be a friend.  Be a protector.

24. Take the road less traveled. Make the right choices, be a leader, and have courage in the face of adversity.

25. Wherever you are in life, you can come home.  I will be here – always.

26. There are rules in life that make life easier and more rewarding.  Respect others and their possessions. Pick up after yourself.  Be willing to work hard. Be the first to volunteer and the first person willing to go last.  Patience develops virtue.

27. Love and Serve G-d above all things. He loves you above all things.

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28. Be a good communicator and a good listener.  Listen before you respond.  Really hear who is speaking.  Then formulate a response and do so out of love.  "A kind word turns away wrath." Proverbs 15:1

29. Don't get caught up in having things.  You can get trapped in the pursuit for MORE.  Be thankful for what you have and all G-d has given you.  You are blessed, even with Less.

30. Marry a woman who wants to be home with your babies and love them. There is nothing more rewarding.  Make sure you don't over commit financially so your wife can raise your children.  It is worth the sacrifice.  

NCS Homecoming

We attended homecoming this year not just as alumni but as NCS students.  I was at a birth that afternoon so our friends the Mortons came to pick up the kids and take them to the festivities.  Justin followed not long after with Cole and picked up the baby from me so I could be with my client until her baby arrived.

Once I got there, the house was packed.  So full people were parking across the street at Fry's.  But, G-d was good to me and I got a front row parking spot! Yay.

It was fun for the kids, there were games, bounce houses, food, and of course football.  Justin left a little before the big kids and I did.  He took the littlest ones home for bed.  They were so tired.

We managed to catch a few pictures and some from the parade earlier that afternoon. The parade was adorable and lots of fun.  The classrooms spent so much time preparing and making crafts for homecoming spirit week. I was excited to make the design for their class t-shirts this year.  Each of the boys got to wear one to homecoming. They really go over the top and its a lot of fun.

A Yearning Belly

I read this article today posted by a friend on Facebook. In it she discusses that feeling from deep within her belly, a yearning, to bear more children. In a sense, a gut feeling, that the Lord is not yet done with her body or her family. I have often talked about this and had people look at me with this crazy eyed, "are you nuts" kind of stare. Apparently not all women experience this type of feeling when it comes to child bearing. But, I also believe many women do experience this feeling. They instinctively know the Lord is not yet done with their family and has so planted a desire deep within their womb, the LIFE GIVING SOURCE, in order to carry it out. It's a wild and taxing thing to explain; the pure and unequivocal beauty of carrying, birthing, holding, sustaining (breastfeeding) and nurturing a new LIFE as a mother. And then to further explain how ones spirit, very essence would long to do it all again from so deep within. I feel sorry for men actually. They are robbed in a way of the pure awesomeness of this experience. The churning new life within your womb, the breath of giving life as a mother labors, and the calling of your breasts to nurture and give force to this new life.

In many ways men experience joyful things in parenthood that women don't experience, so I'm not man bashing I'm simply stating they miss out on this particular part of the miracle of life.

Just as the author in the article, since the time I was a little girl I knew I wanted a large family. It is as though G-d planted that desire deep within my heart as a part of my very essence.

I believe that because we are all created in His image and he is the author of life, we too have an innate desire to author and give life. Some of us in our modern culture suppress those innate desires and fill the hole with external measures such as career, partying, freedom, etc. Our current culture does not any longer value children as the Creator does. But, none-the-less the innate desire is there whether suppressed or not.

I have been very aware of my desire to have a large family since I can remember. In fact, when Justin and I met I told him I wanted 7 children. He very readily agreed! Ha...if we'd both only known what raising children would really require from us and from within us and what it would reveal and teach us. But, even when we were surprised with twins and I had moments of complete disbelief in the Lord's provision (in which He has always proved me wrong), my built in, gut nagging, yearning womb told me there were more children for our family. There was a time when we (Justin and I) were reading and considering being what they call a "Quiverful" family. Now, we are a quiverful family. Our quiver is quite full! But, Quiverful is also the name of a movement in which the number of children you bear is left entirely up to the Lord and one does not intervene nor doubt in His divine plan or provisions. I was fascinated. To think I could trust G-d with this yearning...that He put there, to fulfill it and provide for it. I was on board. My husband, just like the author of the article, not as much. I do believe he prayed and considered the ins and outs of such a plan...to allow the Lord to decide. I cannot say whether it is by prayerful, heavenly determination or wordly concern that he has decided our family would not follow this path.

By worldly concern, I do not mean he has not considered the Lord nor am I calling him worldly. Rather he has concerns or natural feelings of wanting to move on to the next stage, looking towards them growing older, the financial implications or more children, lugging strollers, changing diapers, having me always holding an, albeit precious, but always holding a baby, having a large enough vehicle, and so many more "worldly" considerations. I suppose I call it that because we all know the Lord can provide finances, he has for us all along. We know being able to take vacations and have more freedom isn't the primary purpose nor need as a parent, they are desires. There are sacrifices involved. So, it isn't that those things don't matter but rather they are not heavenly reasons to not have more children.

I will admit I was disappointed about this in the beginning. Hurt at the thought that he may find things like sippy cups filled with old milk, strollers, little feet running in the house, sleepless nights, and me holding a baby something he wanted to move forward from. I had read all the information about being "Quiverful" and felt very excited at the idea of never really having an empty belly or purpose (rather than between children). I mean, it's what I've been waiting for all my life right? I have a yearning...a yearning here. How can he decide that this chapter must close and the next open? Doesn't he know about my aching womb so deeply wanting to bare children? He couldn't understand the earthly force of nursing a newborn? Right?

I mean I like the idea of vacations without napping children too. I like the idea of riding a motorcycle with him someday. I like the idea of sleeping through the night again. Yet...I was so willing to delay those things in order to enjoy those tiny precious toes, laughing giggles, bedtime prayers and songs, sippy cups, strollers, and diapers. I mean I can't have children FOREVER. It will someday stop.

I decided I couldn't be upset about my husband not wanting me to bare children inevitably and for seeing our live together differently than me. I prayed and asked G-d to loosen my grip from the idea of baring children till He decided I was done. I mean, truthfully, if I honor my husband and I let it go...G-d will still do what G-d has planned to do and He will bless us for my honoring my husband. At this point, we were on baby number 4. Our first girl and I absolutely knew we weren't done.

Instead of continuing to talk about being "Quiverful" I focused my attention to the immediate. In this moment did we want to have another baby. And then to ask the question again when the time was right...shall we have another. At each junction Justin agreed to have another baby. Between Westin and our now youngest baby, Beau, we had a miscarriage, making our final count of babies at this time...7. 

My yearning isn't calling to me loudly as it certainly once did. We now have a full house of 6 children and LOTS of love, LOTS of sacrifice, and LOTS of WORK, but it is a heavenly work. The aching of my belly isn't completely gone. How could it be, I was made to create life.  I look at those ten precious toes of my newest, 5 month old baby boy and realize maybe it might never go away. It is what I was created to do, commanded to do by G-d (multiply and replenish the earth), and I get to participate withe Lord in the creation of life. It is amazing. I do not know what the future holds. I love laboring and birthing children, watching them grow, nursing them, holding them, looking to see who they resemble more, and I love watching my children with each new baby. They never tire of their new brother.

I've been wondering if my yearning has subsided some so G-d could open my heart to adoption. I have less desire to have children till my 40's as I once did. Justin and I might be meeting in the middle somehow. Regardless of all that I know I will mourn some when we finally decide there will be no more. I know Justin will read this and resoundingly say he has already decided. But, one never knows what the Lord has planned! (Don't worry honey, I mostly mean adoption)

Shabbat With the Shepherds

We've been doing Shabbat Dinner on Fridays for about 9 months now, give or take.  We really enjoy it.  It takes some pre-planning and preparing and I still haven't perfected getting it all ready...but we do our best!

We try to invite over friends from time to time and because the Shepherds have also started doing it at their home we like to try and get together 1x a month to usher in the sabbath together as friends!

On the occasion below we also had Eric over as his family was out of town.

You can read more about Shabbat here.

In This House Printable

In This House Printable

1 Cor. 2:9 Printable

1 Cor 2:9 Printable 12x12

Exodus 14:14 Printable

I saw this verse on an adoption organization's facebook post.  I LOVED it. So, I decided to re-do it as a printable.    

You can download it for free here:

Update on Beau

G-d has been so gracious to us with Beau's little accident.  All is well and he is doing great.  No signs of a fall or a skull fracture from the outside and he is developing right on schedule for his milestones and age.  (Milestones are just a guideline any how, but he is meeting them just fine).

He does have a follow up appointment in September.  I'm confident it will prove to be just a precautionary measure as everything with Beau seems great.

We did, on the other hand, receive his medical bills in the mail. We are currently uninsured.  We have chosen this route, it is not a cause of some catastrophic issue.  There isn't a good plan choice through Justin's employer for our type of family and our preferred healthcare methods. For a family the plan premium and the amount we would spend before we would reach our deductible would be thousands of dollars. And, there is no coverage for "real" healthcare such as oils, chiropractic care, naturopathic Dr.'s, etc.  The only thing the coverage is good for is Physician visits and prescriptions, both of which we hardly ever, as in maybe 2x a year, do. 

We don't vaccinate or do well check ups with the kids.  And, due to our weekly chiropractic care and management of regular illness such as coughs, colds, and fevers with Essential Oils, and natural remedies, my children NEVER see a Dr. and are hardly ever sick.  We do have a friend who is a Naturopathic Dr., and he can see us and call in prescriptions for us when the need arises, such as when a few of us came down with Strep.  Even without insurance and using Walgreen's W card, the prescription was only $5 cash paying.  

To top it all off, because of Obamacare the plan Justin's company offers does in fact offer the abortion pill and cover abortive measures such as birth control, etc.  At this time, I don't desire to participate with this CRAZY Obamacare stuff going on.

So, as you can see health insurance just doesn't make sense on a month-to-month basis.  Instead, we've been considering Samaritan Ministries and have budgeted the amount it would cost our family to participate and have had that available since we have not yet signed up.  To my knowledge, Samaritan Ministries does qualify as an Obamacare exemption.  The plan is to go this route soon.

All that being said, unfortunately we didn't sign up for Samaritan Ministries right after Beau was born and therefore we are uninsured.  So, the medical bills have come and they are NICE.  Not really nice but I'm being sarcastic.  Apparently Southwest Ambulance, which we used to transport from Mendy's Place to another hospital for him to monitored, doesn't negotiate price. I have received an assortment of separate bills from separate Dr.'s all of which their names I do not recognize nor can I substantiate that I actually saw them. These can be negotiated some.  Then, the big one...the overnight stay at the hospital.  At this time they are stating they gave us a 50% discount already for being cash paying, yet the invoice has no record of that anywhere.  Due the discount already given, they are not offering a negotiate rate (at this time anyhow). 

I know God has a way.  I don't like the system of billing they have. Had I been a pro I would have written down every name of every Dr. that came and stood at the foot of the bed for a total of 5 minutes and possibly denied their presence.  I never consented to a barrage of visitors and cannot make sense still out of why they all had to come ask the same questions without actually offering any services.  

We'll work it out.  It has been a lesson learned about a lot of things.  There isn't too much cost in the world to keep my baby safe from harm. That is TRUE.  Not having insurance can be both GREAT and NOT-So-GREAT at times.  We've still spent less than we would have with Justin's insurance plan, which is crazy.  All in all, it is going to be okay and Beau is doing great (I wouldn't necessarily say from anything they provided, but they were at least watching just in case. We all know it was the Lord who protected him), and this too will pass.  

I think Samaritan Ministries is on our horizon sooner than I'd expected.  I'll have to start the application and get going on that.  Cole is insured now through school, which is great.  I'm thankful for that.  G-d is good!

13 Attributes of Mercy

The 13 Attributes of Mercy are the very words that God taught Moses for the people to use whenever they needed to beg for divine compassion. The 13 Attributes of Mercy are found after the incident of the Golden calf, when God threatened to destroy the people of Israel rather than forgive them (Exod. 32:10). According to the Talmud, Moses felt that Israel's sin was so serious that there was no possibility of intercession on their behalf (Rosh Hashanah 17b). At this point, God appeared to Moses and taught him the Thirteen Attributes, saying: "Whenever Israel sins, let them recite this [the Thirteen Attributes] in its proper order and I will forgive them." Thus this appeal to God's mercy reassures us that repentance is always possible and that God always awaits our return."

 The 13 Attributes of Sin are: 

- The Lord! (Adonai)--God is merciful before a person sins! Even though aware that future evil lies dormant within him. 
 - The Lord! (Adonai)--God is merciful after the sinner has gone astray. 
 - God (El)--a name that denotes power as ruler over nature and humankind, indicating that God's mercy sometimes surpasses even the degree indicated by this name. 
 - Compassionate (rahum)--God is filled with loving sympathy for human frailty does not put people into situations of extreme temptation, and eases the punishment of the guilty. 
- Gracious (v'hanun)--God shows mercy even to those who do not deserve it consoling the afflicted and raising up the oppressed. 
 - Slow to anger (ereh apayim)--God gives the sinner ample time to reflect, improve, and repent. 
 - Abundant in Kindness (v'rav hesed)--God is kind toward those who lack personal merits, providing more gifts and blessings than they deserve; if one's personal behavior is evenly balanced between virtue and sin, God tips the scales of justice toward the good. 
 - Truth (v'emet)--God never reneges on His word to reward those who serve Him. 
 - Preserver of kindness for thousands of generations (notzeir hesed la-alafim)--God remembers the deeds of the righteous for the benefit of their less virtuous generations of offspring (thus we constantly invoke the merit of the Patriarchs). 
 - Forgiver of iniquity (nosei avon)--God forgives intentional sin resulting from an evil disposition, as long as the sinner repents. 
 - Forgiver of willful sin (pesha)--God allows even those who commit a sin with the malicious intent of rebelling against and angering Him the opportunity to repent. 
 - Forgiver of error (v'hata'ah)--God forgives a sin committed out of carelessness, thoughtlessness, or apathy. 
 - Who cleanses (v'nakeh)--God is merciful, gracious, and forgiving, wiping away the sins of those who truly repent; however, if one does not repent, God does not cleanse. 

There are many "translations" to these terms, in that they can be stated in various ways. I wanted to create something I could print or have printed on a canvas or frame. I came up with the image below. Such an awesome reminder of who we are dealing with when we ask for repentance, which we ought to be doing, and to know He is so MERCIFUL!

Daily Shema

As a part of the Mitzvah's the Jews participate in, one is reciting the daily Shema.  Once in the morning and once at night.  I decided to make a printable and have it hung in each of the kids rooms, making it easier to pray when we put them to bed.

You can look up more information on Chabad.org.

In a Printable 8.5 x 11

In a Printable 11x14