Welcome to the World sweet Beau

I've been reflecting on your birth recently, after having McCoy. So I penned this letter to you to remind myself just how precious you are to me!

My precious Beau entered the world early morning with the sun shining in through the window of our room surrounded by his brother's and his sister.

After losing a baby last April there was nothing my heart desired more than to fill that space with a precious little one.  I had set my heart on that precious soul that awaits us in heaven and I longed to see God's creation in completion again.

Beau YOU are the answer to my every prayer in those days.  Carrying you in my womb anticipating your arrival with joy.  I was tired and weary running after those brothers and your sister but I longed to hold you.

As one by one our little ones came down with the 24 hour flu, mamma got hit hard.  I was friends with the porcelain goddess (I'm not fond of her) and wretching in a way I hadn't experienced in a long while.  This, my love, sent me into contractions.

9 days prior to your predicted arrival I felt you shift down and the power of giving you your first breath took over.  That evening after laying everyone down in our room for the night with their sick tummy's and sweaty brows, I knew you were coming.

I spent that night on the couch with my headphones on and the audio I had created to keep my mind focused on Christ whispering in my ears.  I knew the road could be long and I wanted to rest.  God granted me that prayer and through many portions of the night I rested and fell asleep between contractions.  No children rose, no one threw up, my sickness faded and when the morning broke at 6:00am I told your daddy it was the day.

I called my friends we had invited into your birth space and texted the midwife letting her know you were coming today.

As soon as the children were up the bustle began and daddy spent the earliest morning preparing the room/bed. My parents arrived to help with the older kiddos and I labored around the house moving from spot to spot finding comfort and ease in the contractions.

It felt like a breeze miraculously.  I was overjoyed to be home and to have everyone there.  As things progressed, within a short 5 hours you had made your way down we prepared for your entrance.  All your siblings gathered round and the pressure intensified.

Carol moved that cervical lip I always have, it's as painful as it can get, but once it was moved you were barreling into the world.

It was just the most perfect and precious experience for me to be home and to bring you up into my arms.  With all the children gathered around to see you take your first breath, we instantly fell in love. I praise the Lord for your most precious and perfect birth and I am blessed beyond measure.

I hold you close sweet boy. I treasure you. You are a gift to me and I'm so thankful to be your mommy. I would repeat that experience a thousand fold for the joy of holding a little one again!

The Giving Mother

I've been following Ann for years now...she's helped to mold my mother's heart when it becomes broken and weary.  Although I'm still such a work in progress my perspective has been formed and has grown...slow as it may be. And although I grow weary and often selfish, she helps me to remember the Giving Mother this morning.  Two days from Mother's Day and she has written words that pierce through the often forgotten or simply expected labor of a mother.

The world doesn't mean to forget mothers. We are like a working horse.  Cherished, valued, and worn with love but sometimes there is the taking for granted. I think His creation sings praises to mother's every time it brings a new life to take it's first breath.  Mothering is an aspect of G-d, given to the woman..the feminine side of being made in His image, the one we all cling to when we feel broken, lost, or needing someone to guide us through our fleshly life on earth.

And at times, and by no fault of their own, that man, whose loving arms support me can forget the goodness and grace of his children's mother.  But, I want to take heart in knowing he too can be forgotten and his work can be taken for granted.  This is why we work unto the Lord.  We hold our children's hands, keep a home, prepare a meal, and measure our value as unto the Lord.  Being a mother is like having 1 foot on earth and another in heaven.

Today I also read, "we are not mortal beings having a spiritual experience, but “spiritual beings having a mortal experience.” (Pierre Teilhard de Chardin)  I don’t know much. But what I do know is this mortal life is a place to learn and grow under the tutelage of a Divine Teacher; a place where we learn how to see in the dark and hear the voice of God in our own wilderness."

This from a man who has lost his son in these past days. To be reminded we are here to glorify our maker...in our motherhood He has chosen to sculpt us for a purpose and in that purpose see and experience more of Him.

I put this in my blog today not only to remind myself as I read back at the books I have printed, but to also share with my children who will one day read these words.   To share also with my friends who are also walking this sometimes lonely yet lovely path of motherhood.  Remember the most gracious God we serve planted you here, for this time, this season and with these blessings.  Soak them in.

I can't put into words these love she has already spoken here.  Ann Voskamp has given mothers a glimpse of our treasured life.   Read it here and then go there...and read it all again!

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The Giving Mother who lets us take up whole places inside of you, who keeps making spaces, who never stops making spaces, growing soft and round, stretching thinner and growing fuller, your hearts and hips widening with a widening grace.

I never get over the shade of you, the grace of you, the limbs of you, the God-made Giving Tree —

Because God needed someone to love the least and the little into real whole people, and He knew that to love is to suffer so God made a mother.

God had said –

I need someone to get up at midnight and scoop the most fragile of humanity close to her warmth and rock though she can hardly stand.

And nourish though she’s mostly sleep-starved and change the diaper and the sheets and the leaked on, leaked through, and leaked down clothes though she’ll have to change them in the morning and next week and that won’t change for years.

So God made a Mother.

That God had said I need somebody with a strong heart.

Strong enough for toddler tantrums and teenage testing, yet broken enough to fall on her knees and pray, pray, pray.

Someone who knows that in every hard place is exactly where you extend grace, who looks a hopeful child in the eye and says yes, even though she knows every yes means a mess but this is how you bless, who has the courage to keep letting go because she’s holding on to Me.

So God made a mother.

God said I need somebody who can shape a soul and find shoes on Sunday mornings and get grass stains out of Levis.

And make dinner out of nothing and do it again 79, 678 times, and keep kids off the road and out of the toilet and in clean underwear and mainly alive though she’s mainly losing her mind and will put in an 80 hour week by Wednesday night and just do one more load of laundry.

And one more sink of crusted burnt pots.

And keep on going another eighty hours because raising generations matters and weaving families matters and tying heart strings matters and these people here in hidden places matter.

So God made a mother…

It had to be somebody who could comb back pigtails and tie up skates just-right tight.

Who could pretend she remembered algebra and how to get home from here and that really, she was just fine, no, really and that it must just be those silly onions.

Somebody who would run for the catch, jump on a trampoline and play one fierce game of soccer and not give a thought to all those labors and her weak pelvic floor.

Somebody who’d stay up late with a science project that never ends, who’d get up early for the game in the rain, somebody who’d wave at the door until the taillights were out of sight and still be smiling brave.

So God made a mother.

It had to be somebody willing to keep loving when it made no sense because that’s what love does.

Somebody who knew that life is not an emergency but a gift — so just. slow. down. There are children at play here and we don’t want anyone to get hurt and the hurry makes us hurt.

Somebody willing to feed and lead, lay down her life and pick up her cross, give of her time because they have her heart. Someone who knows that we all blow it — and what matters most is what we do with it afterward. 

Someone who could humble herself into the tender sorry that covers a multitude of sins.

Someone who would live like a Giving Tree — who would would give grace, give life, and give thanks—   eucharisteo: the giving thanks for every grace that gives back always joy. 

Someone who would stand in the mess and the midst and give thanks anyways — becauseeucharisteo always, always, precedes the miracle of discovering that the Giver Himself is always,always more than enough.

Someone who would live it a thousand times:  Give thanks – and discover that the Giver Himself is the Gift and He alone is always, always enough.

Someone who would pour out and bend down and surrender not only to the physical pain of childbirth but the far deeper, unending heart pain of letting go, letting go, letting go –  from the womb, from the arms, from the front door.

Someone who would know that umbilical cords can be cut — but heart strings never can.

Someone who’d bow her head at night over the girl sleeping with the doll in the crook of her arm — and give thanks to her Father for this hidden life that’s turning a gear for the whole spinning world.

So God made a mother.

You.

The Giving Mother, made by God to be a safe shelter….

with your roots dipping like lines into aquifers to siphon love up out of the caving cup of His hands –

The Giving Mother clinging to The Giving Father who erases all ache with the grace of  a Cross Tree.

Beau Turns 1

My precious, blonde headed little boy turned 1 on April 5, 2014 and I can hardly stand it.  I wrestle with the idea that this is my last one year old birthday, my last sweet baby turning 1, walking, baby talking and smirking his way into my heart.  G-d really knew how special Beau would be to us and how precious he is as our last little guy.  He makes all things right in the world and has a special place in our family.  

It's been a quick year of watching him grow.  Seeing him take his first breath in our bedroom, watching him learn to laugh and roll over, then seeing him take his first steps at only 10 months old...whew time flies.  He's such a joy and a sweet baby.  He LOVES music.  Always kicks in with a dance move when he hears the music come on.  He LOVES daddy. He LOVES water and he LOVES mommy! He's a lover for sure. 

We just had a handful of friends over as an excuse to hang out and eat birthday cake. I cut out a portion of the cake for him to do a little cake smashing but he wasn't into it.  He was not sure what to think about the frosting on his hands and was tentative to even touch it.  His precious little skin and his belly rolls sitting there staring at his cake...agh swoon! I love him. 

Happy Birthday sweet Beau, we love you!

Little Beau Baby

Just had to post the cutest little pics of my guy taken today as we sat in the lawn and the older kids rode bikes.  He has stolen my heart.  Isn't he precious?  These are only a few of the awesome faces he made today while taking pictures.  I just love his little toes, cheeks, and baby skin.

6 Months of Pure Butterball Love

My precious little Beau Everett MacIsaac is 6 months and time is flying by. I literally feel like I just had him.  But, then I remember the whole summer has gone by and we are months into school already.  Wow, where does the time go?

He is too precious to me. Such a great, even tempered little man.  He is now sitting up (mostly without falling or lumping over), but he can almost crawl, rolls all over the house and can put himself into sitting position, even though he still lumps over sometimes!

He is happy most of the time and really pretty easy to please.  He laughs, smiles, and grabs everything.  I just love his auburn hair and his sweet blue eyes.

He's been teething since he was 2 months old but still no teeth! Adorable dimples and lip smacking jibber jabber.  All around perfect.

He loves his brothers and his sister and finds their crazy most entertaining!

A Yearning Belly

I read this article today posted by a friend on Facebook. In it she discusses that feeling from deep within her belly, a yearning, to bear more children. In a sense, a gut feeling, that the Lord is not yet done with her body or her family. I have often talked about this and had people look at me with this crazy eyed, "are you nuts" kind of stare. Apparently not all women experience this type of feeling when it comes to child bearing. But, I also believe many women do experience this feeling. They instinctively know the Lord is not yet done with their family and has so planted a desire deep within their womb, the LIFE GIVING SOURCE, in order to carry it out. It's a wild and taxing thing to explain; the pure and unequivocal beauty of carrying, birthing, holding, sustaining (breastfeeding) and nurturing a new LIFE as a mother. And then to further explain how ones spirit, very essence would long to do it all again from so deep within. I feel sorry for men actually. They are robbed in a way of the pure awesomeness of this experience. The churning new life within your womb, the breath of giving life as a mother labors, and the calling of your breasts to nurture and give force to this new life.

In many ways men experience joyful things in parenthood that women don't experience, so I'm not man bashing I'm simply stating they miss out on this particular part of the miracle of life.

Just as the author in the article, since the time I was a little girl I knew I wanted a large family. It is as though G-d planted that desire deep within my heart as a part of my very essence.

I believe that because we are all created in His image and he is the author of life, we too have an innate desire to author and give life. Some of us in our modern culture suppress those innate desires and fill the hole with external measures such as career, partying, freedom, etc. Our current culture does not any longer value children as the Creator does. But, none-the-less the innate desire is there whether suppressed or not.

I have been very aware of my desire to have a large family since I can remember. In fact, when Justin and I met I told him I wanted 7 children. He very readily agreed! Ha...if we'd both only known what raising children would really require from us and from within us and what it would reveal and teach us. But, even when we were surprised with twins and I had moments of complete disbelief in the Lord's provision (in which He has always proved me wrong), my built in, gut nagging, yearning womb told me there were more children for our family. There was a time when we (Justin and I) were reading and considering being what they call a "Quiverful" family. Now, we are a quiverful family. Our quiver is quite full! But, Quiverful is also the name of a movement in which the number of children you bear is left entirely up to the Lord and one does not intervene nor doubt in His divine plan or provisions. I was fascinated. To think I could trust G-d with this yearning...that He put there, to fulfill it and provide for it. I was on board. My husband, just like the author of the article, not as much. I do believe he prayed and considered the ins and outs of such a plan...to allow the Lord to decide. I cannot say whether it is by prayerful, heavenly determination or wordly concern that he has decided our family would not follow this path.

By worldly concern, I do not mean he has not considered the Lord nor am I calling him worldly. Rather he has concerns or natural feelings of wanting to move on to the next stage, looking towards them growing older, the financial implications or more children, lugging strollers, changing diapers, having me always holding an, albeit precious, but always holding a baby, having a large enough vehicle, and so many more "worldly" considerations. I suppose I call it that because we all know the Lord can provide finances, he has for us all along. We know being able to take vacations and have more freedom isn't the primary purpose nor need as a parent, they are desires. There are sacrifices involved. So, it isn't that those things don't matter but rather they are not heavenly reasons to not have more children.

I will admit I was disappointed about this in the beginning. Hurt at the thought that he may find things like sippy cups filled with old milk, strollers, little feet running in the house, sleepless nights, and me holding a baby something he wanted to move forward from. I had read all the information about being "Quiverful" and felt very excited at the idea of never really having an empty belly or purpose (rather than between children). I mean, it's what I've been waiting for all my life right? I have a yearning...a yearning here. How can he decide that this chapter must close and the next open? Doesn't he know about my aching womb so deeply wanting to bare children? He couldn't understand the earthly force of nursing a newborn? Right?

I mean I like the idea of vacations without napping children too. I like the idea of riding a motorcycle with him someday. I like the idea of sleeping through the night again. Yet...I was so willing to delay those things in order to enjoy those tiny precious toes, laughing giggles, bedtime prayers and songs, sippy cups, strollers, and diapers. I mean I can't have children FOREVER. It will someday stop.

I decided I couldn't be upset about my husband not wanting me to bare children inevitably and for seeing our live together differently than me. I prayed and asked G-d to loosen my grip from the idea of baring children till He decided I was done. I mean, truthfully, if I honor my husband and I let it go...G-d will still do what G-d has planned to do and He will bless us for my honoring my husband. At this point, we were on baby number 4. Our first girl and I absolutely knew we weren't done.

Instead of continuing to talk about being "Quiverful" I focused my attention to the immediate. In this moment did we want to have another baby. And then to ask the question again when the time was right...shall we have another. At each junction Justin agreed to have another baby. Between Westin and our now youngest baby, Beau, we had a miscarriage, making our final count of babies at this time...7. 

My yearning isn't calling to me loudly as it certainly once did. We now have a full house of 6 children and LOTS of love, LOTS of sacrifice, and LOTS of WORK, but it is a heavenly work. The aching of my belly isn't completely gone. How could it be, I was made to create life.  I look at those ten precious toes of my newest, 5 month old baby boy and realize maybe it might never go away. It is what I was created to do, commanded to do by G-d (multiply and replenish the earth), and I get to participate withe Lord in the creation of life. It is amazing. I do not know what the future holds. I love laboring and birthing children, watching them grow, nursing them, holding them, looking to see who they resemble more, and I love watching my children with each new baby. They never tire of their new brother.

I've been wondering if my yearning has subsided some so G-d could open my heart to adoption. I have less desire to have children till my 40's as I once did. Justin and I might be meeting in the middle somehow. Regardless of all that I know I will mourn some when we finally decide there will be no more. I know Justin will read this and resoundingly say he has already decided. But, one never knows what the Lord has planned! (Don't worry honey, I mostly mean adoption)

Update on Beau

G-d has been so gracious to us with Beau's little accident.  All is well and he is doing great.  No signs of a fall or a skull fracture from the outside and he is developing right on schedule for his milestones and age.  (Milestones are just a guideline any how, but he is meeting them just fine).

He does have a follow up appointment in September.  I'm confident it will prove to be just a precautionary measure as everything with Beau seems great.

We did, on the other hand, receive his medical bills in the mail. We are currently uninsured.  We have chosen this route, it is not a cause of some catastrophic issue.  There isn't a good plan choice through Justin's employer for our type of family and our preferred healthcare methods. For a family the plan premium and the amount we would spend before we would reach our deductible would be thousands of dollars. And, there is no coverage for "real" healthcare such as oils, chiropractic care, naturopathic Dr.'s, etc.  The only thing the coverage is good for is Physician visits and prescriptions, both of which we hardly ever, as in maybe 2x a year, do. 

We don't vaccinate or do well check ups with the kids.  And, due to our weekly chiropractic care and management of regular illness such as coughs, colds, and fevers with Essential Oils, and natural remedies, my children NEVER see a Dr. and are hardly ever sick.  We do have a friend who is a Naturopathic Dr., and he can see us and call in prescriptions for us when the need arises, such as when a few of us came down with Strep.  Even without insurance and using Walgreen's W card, the prescription was only $5 cash paying.  

To top it all off, because of Obamacare the plan Justin's company offers does in fact offer the abortion pill and cover abortive measures such as birth control, etc.  At this time, I don't desire to participate with this CRAZY Obamacare stuff going on.

So, as you can see health insurance just doesn't make sense on a month-to-month basis.  Instead, we've been considering Samaritan Ministries and have budgeted the amount it would cost our family to participate and have had that available since we have not yet signed up.  To my knowledge, Samaritan Ministries does qualify as an Obamacare exemption.  The plan is to go this route soon.

All that being said, unfortunately we didn't sign up for Samaritan Ministries right after Beau was born and therefore we are uninsured.  So, the medical bills have come and they are NICE.  Not really nice but I'm being sarcastic.  Apparently Southwest Ambulance, which we used to transport from Mendy's Place to another hospital for him to monitored, doesn't negotiate price. I have received an assortment of separate bills from separate Dr.'s all of which their names I do not recognize nor can I substantiate that I actually saw them. These can be negotiated some.  Then, the big one...the overnight stay at the hospital.  At this time they are stating they gave us a 50% discount already for being cash paying, yet the invoice has no record of that anywhere.  Due the discount already given, they are not offering a negotiate rate (at this time anyhow). 

I know God has a way.  I don't like the system of billing they have. Had I been a pro I would have written down every name of every Dr. that came and stood at the foot of the bed for a total of 5 minutes and possibly denied their presence.  I never consented to a barrage of visitors and cannot make sense still out of why they all had to come ask the same questions without actually offering any services.  

We'll work it out.  It has been a lesson learned about a lot of things.  There isn't too much cost in the world to keep my baby safe from harm. That is TRUE.  Not having insurance can be both GREAT and NOT-So-GREAT at times.  We've still spent less than we would have with Justin's insurance plan, which is crazy.  All in all, it is going to be okay and Beau is doing great (I wouldn't necessarily say from anything they provided, but they were at least watching just in case. We all know it was the Lord who protected him), and this too will pass.  

I think Samaritan Ministries is on our horizon sooner than I'd expected.  I'll have to start the application and get going on that.  Cole is insured now through school, which is great.  I'm thankful for that.  G-d is good!

Worst Day in My Motherhood Adventures...

We got a later start than usual on Monday morning.The kids need breakfast, I need a shower, the baby needs to nurse, and we need to leave the house at 9am.  Well I should say, I like to leave the house at 9am bc swim practice is at 9:30am and I do not like to be late.  I was sort of rushing around, pouring cereal and oatmeal, getting the little ones into swim suits, and attempting to get out the door.

I started the van remotely and sent the kids out to get buckled. We have a pattern: the big kids help Westin into the car and Trace buckles him in while the others buckle in themselves. I needed to grab some strawberries from the fridge as snack at practice. I gently placed Beau on the country on top of Westin's towel (intending to take his towel out to him once I headed for the van.)

It took about 3 seconds to grab the strawberries from the fridge. I turned just slightly to grab a container so I could rinse them and place them inside.As I turned I could feel the presence of a small child and in the blink of an eye he reached up to get his towel from the counter (he meticulously remembers things considering he is two) and I heard a muffled thud on the floor.  It was like time froze as I was turning from the counter at the sink to the island...No, it couldn't really be...

I looked down and there he was, my sweet 2 month old, just shy of 2 months really, on the ground.  Westin had pulled the towel down in an effort to get it and take it to the car and with is went Beau.  My heart sank, my stomach dropped, I held my breath as I dipped down to scoop him into my arms. I was praying out loud but not sure what I was saying.

He had been crying on the counter some b/c he was tired and I had placed him there instead of in the car b/c it is hot out there and I thought it would just be quick. He doesn't roll or move.  I was so wrong...how could I do that?

In a split second I was the worst mother...ever...

I dipped to scoop him up and just took a few seconds to look him over before holding him to my chest and trying to comfort him.  I leaned over and raised my voice at Westin stating, "Oh My Gosh".  That made him cry of course, so now I compounded my bad mothering as he ran off to his room and laid on his bed. 

I quickly ran out to the van and told the kids to come inside and sit on the couch. They could tell I was panicked and obeyed, thank goodness. I came in, sat in the rocker, and tried to nurse him just to comfort him and bring him close. While he was nursing I ran my fingers around his precious head looking for a sign of something from the fall.  Sure enough there was a long ridge-like bump behind his ear.  

Now, we are uninsured, and although I was trying to make sense out of what happened and what to do, and the thought of how expensive it might be raced through my head, I just KNEW I needed to take him to the Urgent Care.  

I quickly placed him into the car and drove half a block to Children's Urgent Care. They told me to take him to Mendy's Place.  So, I did.

A wonderful friend of mine came to Mendy's to get my other five children. God's provision b/c Justin was at work and my mom on her way home from William's. I'm so thankful she was able and willing to take my van and my kiddos for the day.

Mendy's Place quickly got him in for a CT Scan. That was so painful because they have to stay totally still and although he had fallen asleep in the room (which they wanted) he woke and was so squirmy.

They finally got a picture of his head and his neck.  I had a peaceful feeling about what the results might hold.  Concerned of course but peaceful also. It wasn't long before the Dr. arrived with the results. 

Two skull fractures. His brain was fine, perfectly protected by his skull and no other concerns, just the two skull fractures. She then informed me they wanted to transport to Maricopa Medical Center and have us stay under observation in the PICU.  My mind was racing with all the logistics, finances, etc. and of course what would be best for Beau.

Ultimately, after calling our friend and Chiropractor for recommendations, we decided to take the transport to the Medical Center and stay over night.  20 miles in the ambo and an hour checking in at the Medical Center ER (thankfully Justin was able to meet us there and bring food. I hadn't ever eaten that morning) and we were in the PICU for the night.

It was pretty uneventful after checking in to the PICU. I spent a lot of time replaying what happened in my head. At one point I closed my eyes and woke abruptly after seeing him fall in my head, well making up with I thought it might look like since I didn't actually see it.  He ate and slept soundly, which I was so thankful for.  

They had originally told me he couldn't eat and placed an IV while we were at Mendy's Place. I was confident he would be okay medically but very concerned I couldn't nurse him. Once we settled in at the Medical Center they said I could continue to feed him since he was doing so well. 

G-d really put his arms around my sweet guy in that moment.  Somehow He cushioned his fall just enough to knock me out of my complacent mindset about injuries (I'm pretty laid back most of the time and don't find too much to worry about, even with 5 boys) and remind me just how faithful He is to us.

The next day we were able to go home with plans to return in 3 months for a check.  I'm assured G-d is a great healer and has already placed His hands on my boy. The 3 month check will be of no worry.  

I've spent the last two weeks avoiding blogging about it and practically telling no one out of my own fear of man.  But, I've decided to share in hopes of 3 things:

1. It will allow me to do some healing of my own since I felt so, so terrible about what happened.

2. It will allow me to give all the Glory to G-d for protecting, healing, and preserving my son.

3. It will allow other moms to draw something from my experience. 

I'm not sure what lessons are present here, aside from the obvious one of not placing your infant on the counter and accidents happen in 1 second. But, if you shall draw something G-d desires to press upon your heart, I'll be glad. 

Life is back to normal and I treasure all the moments we've had since.  Thank the Lord for my sweet little Beau.

The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life; Psalm 121:7

Precious Boy Beau

My Precious little man! 1 month old and oh so adorable.  He is a great sleeper, a great eater, and a happy, content little man.  

Getting back to the rhythm of life has been "easy" with him.  He is pretty go with the flow and laid back.  He occasionally cries in the car but can be soothed with a binki and usually falls asleep after a short bout of crying.  Cole, as an infant, would scream in the car seat and nothing would soothe him or cause him to close his eyes.  So, although crying in the car isn't fun, at least it eventually stops! 

He is pure joy and I'm again, amazed by God's gifts and can't imagine our family without him.

The Rabbi

I just have to post about this because it was so special and unique to this child, my sixth precious gift.

I have always dreaded circumcision and in some ways I wish I hadn't started and just left them in tact the way God made them.  But, we decided with Cole to circumcise and since ours are all so close in age we have continued to do so with each additional boy.  We've not ever had problems but I will say I walked in on a scene I didn't love with Westin.  Before the Dr's had brought them to me and they were all wrapped up and I could nurse, etc.  It wasn't so traumatic.  But, with Westin I went back into the room and there was blood everywhere and he was screaming.  It was pretty alarming for me.  He settled down and I nursed him. It was over. 

Well this time, the pediatricians office told us she couldn't do it, because it was a little twisted.  So they referred us to a urologist.  My neighbor recommended maybe looking into a Jewish Rabbi.  I hadn't ever thought of that before.  She took some time to look it up for me and to find one locally.  I'm so thankful she did that.  

I called up Rabbi Semol and he said he'd take a look at Beau and determine if he could perform the circumcision.  So, I took him over there 7 days after he'd been born to be examined by the Rabbi.  Sure enough, he thought it was a small twist and he could perform the procedure.  So, I turned him over, walked outside for 2 minutes, so I couldn't see it happen, and came back in to....

Surprise, a calm baby, barely crying, no blood and a perfectly circumcised baby!  PRAISE GOD!  I nursed him, comforted him even though he wasn't crying, paid the Rabbi and was on my way.  They were so kind and so lovely. 

I wish I'd thought to do that 8 years ago.  It was amazing.

So, Beau is a baby of firsts!  First encapsulated placenta, first homebirth, first Rabbi (Moyel) circumcision, first baby with three names...wow the firsts keep coming and he's my 6th baby.  Pretty amazing little man! You are special.

Welcome Baby #6!

WARNING--this post will contain some birth pictures at the end.  

First some adorable, wonderful pics of my little man in his newborn debut with his brothers and sister.  Then the birth story, if you want to continue reading!!

10 days before my due date, Cole and I woke up with a sick stomach, a lot like the flu. We spent the morning throwing up.  Then another boy fell sick.  Then Brynn.  Around 2pm I literally felt the contractions that had been happening since I was about 18 weeks pregnant, Braxton Hicks, move to the bottom of my belly and they became pretty bothersome.  I started to feel a little better and when Justin came home, also still feeling sick from the day before, I ran to the grocery store to make sure we had some food to eat in the house, crackers, sprite, etc.  While there I continued to feel those stronger, lower contractions.  I was suspicious but not sure yet. They could easily go away. I mean, what were the chances I'd have this baby this early? I had never considered it.

We set the kids up in our room to sleep, since they still weren't feeling well.  I tried to settle in to sleep but those darn contractions were still bothersome and I thought maybe something was happening.  Plus I couldn't really sleep through them at this point.  So, I got up at about 1am went to the office and began filling my phone with my birth music and the Faith Babies recording I was trying out (I hope to maybe put it together and make it available for other mothers someday).  I was having to start breathing through the contractions some but the pattern was pretty erratic.  They would come and go it seemed.

At about 3am Trace woke up throwing up, a couple of times.  I remember walking into the bedroom doorway and looking at Justin with this crazy look and saying, "really, this must be a joke.  I'm not actually going to have a baby while my family is puking?"  He asked me if I thought it was happening for sure and if he needed to do anything.  At that point I told him I wasn't sure and I'd rather he get some sleep and be rested just in case.  I knew we were going to have a crazy morning if in fact I was in labor and the kids were puking. Nothing was really ready for the homebirth.

I put headphones on, grabbed a pillow and laid down on the couch listening to my Faith Babies recording. To my own surprise it actually relaxed me a ton (I wasn't sure it would work :) and put me into a place where I could sleep some and totally relax.  I was still having contractions but I was falling back to sleep in between.  It was pretty awesome.  

At 6am the kids got up, no one had thrown up since about 4am or so.  We all got up and I told Justin today might be the day so we needed to get ready.  I asked the kids if they would help prepare the house with me and they all reluctantly agreed.  We then set about finalizing all the details to prepare the bed, the sling I'd sewn, and so many other things we needed to do.  

I had texted the midwife in the night to let her know something might be happening.  I then called her around 9:30 and explained what was going on.  My contraction patterns were erratic still.  Strong and intense contractions but sometimes close and sometimes further apart.  She listened to me breath through a few and said she'd come check me in about an hour.  We continued to prepare the house and I was on my feet most of the morning.  I took a bath and got dressed.  While in the bath I lost my mucus plug, that is always exciting.  I put makeup on, I was having a photographer after all, one must look presentable, right?!

At 10:30am the midwife arrived and she checked me and I was at 5cm and moving towards a 6.  She decided to go get some coffee and breakfast and come back in an hour.  We finished up preparing the bed, got the kids set up with a movie, and my parents arrived along with the birth photographer and my friends, Jennifer and Prisilla.  Reality set in, we were in fact having a baby TODAY!  Wowzer, 9 days early.

When the midwife returned around 12pm or so she checked again and I was almost to a 7.  The pattern was still pretty erratic. I had to stay moving to keep the contractions coming.  I moved from the birthing stool to the sling in the closet.  I sat on the birthing ball.  Once I got to the sling I stood through several really hard contractions.  I was definitely reaching transition by this time.  The discomfort was setting in for the first time really.  Also, they began to piggy back, 2 hard ones in a row, back to back then a longer rest in between.  This is always a good sign but harder to bare.

After several hard back to back contractions standing with the sling I felt compelled to move towards the bed.  I tried 1-2 more standing up and then wanted to sit down.  The midwife checked and I was a 9 with the cervical lip.  I knew it was time for her to try and pull it out of the way. It's the worst part of the whole process.

A cervical lip is when a portion of the cervix is sort of clinging to the baby's head a bit and not moving out of the way.  That is the best way I can describe it.  This was also the first time I hadn't had my water broken so my water was still in tact and the lip was clinging.  In order to move the CL, the midwife has to reach in as I am having a contraction and attempt to pull it out of the way.  So, she is pulling while I'm trying to push a little...let's just say it's horrible.  I have had this experience every time, so you would think I would be familiar with it, but it's just as horrible each time I have a baby!

It took a few contractions for me to push a little and for her to attempt to pull that CL out of the way...I even swiped her hand out of the way a few times b/c the idea of her putting her hand in while I'm trying to push out was too much to bare.  It was a reaction not really intentional.  I had put my headphones back on at this point just trying to concentrate and get to the end easily.

The first two contractions she tried to move it, it wasn't successful, b/c of me. I then asked her to break my water, which she reluctantly did b/c she thought it would intensify my contractions.  I was pretty determined for some reason but she ended up being right.  The next two piggy backed contractions were pretty intense and on the second one she was able to move the CL.  Once that CL was out of the way, my body began to push all on it's own.  I couldn't stop it or hold it back.

One big push and his head came out, then another and his body came out.  It was instantly over and he had taken his first breath.  It was wonderful and relieving and amazing all at the same time.

Moments before I was crying, which is pretty normal for me to cry right near the end, and saying I might not be able to hang in there (which isn't true, that's just an emotion, not reality) and the next he's in my arms and it's all WORTH IT!

He was perfect, beautiful, amazing, and the whole thing was over by 1:56pm.  Really just 4 hours of active labor and only about 45 minutes from transition to birth.  My BEST birth by far.  In the comfort of our home.

As I had reached the subtle pushing stages trying to move the CL, the children had began to gather into the room, my parents were all there along with my friends.  The kids were with me and Justin in those final 45 minutes before he arrived and they witnessed the pure perfection of God's miracle happening.  A NEW life had entered the world and they were a part of it.  I'm so thankful for that.

We held him, I nursed him , we waited for the cord to slow and stop pulsing, there was no rush. Once the cord slowed Justin cut it and held him while I cleaned up a little.  It was relatively clean really, I just needed to adjust some things.  I held him for about 45 minutes or so then my awesome midwives weighed him, measured him, and assessed him.  He was perfectly healthy and doing well.

I am beyond blessed to have had a husband that supported this home birth, for the experience of having a home birth, and having the people I love and care about around me to support me.  The whole thing was amazing.

In addition to home birth being so wonderful, and this one in particular going so smoothly, I was able to shower, clean up, get dressed, take off the dirty sheets with the clean sheets underneath, and settle in with my new baby to snuggle and love, with all my other children and husband around to make the love multiply.

My friend Jodi picked up my Placenta on Saturday, which I had planned all along to encapsulate this time.  I fully recommend this to anyone interested.  I do really think it has helped with my mood, milk production, and my iron levels.  I should be exhausted with five other children and a newborn but I'm not really suffering like I expected to.  So, props to the encapsulated placenta!

We named him Beau Everett MacIsaac Martin (it's a mouthful but I love it).  He's perfect in every way.  He sleeps, he eats, he smells delicious and the kids ADORE him.

Praise God for this gift.  For his life, for my pregnancy that blew all other pregnancies away (no morning sickness, no issues), and for an incredible birth experience.  I'm so blessed to be a wife and mother...it's ALL I ever wanted and the Lord and Justin have made my dreams come true. I pray now that I can somehow diligently, in spite of my own failures and short comings, can raise children who will Love and Serve Jesus.

Along with that, Jesus provided a relatively "pain free" labor. I would describe it more as intense and uncomfortable (really uncomfortable) but there is always an end in sight which is instantly worth it.  God designed childbirth from the very beginning.  Our bodies were made to create life, bring it into the world, that it would reflect the Creator and bring Him glory.  And, although sin came with pain in childbirth, Jesus paid that debt on the cross and to fear childbirth is to lack faith in what Jesus has already completed and in God's perfect design of our bodies.  I'm not perfect and I too struggle with keeping this vision in mind as the time of labor and birth arrive, but I am SO thankful to have the support and the truth of God's word to encourage me to a natural birth.  All glory is His!

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Below are some birth pics.  If you don't want to see, scroll up NOW!!
Beau Everett's Birth Story from Courtney Larson on Vimeo.

Check out Kristy Velasko Photography for the maternity pics and Inloveness Photography for the birth pics.  Both are on Facebook and have websites to view their profiles.  Thanks ladies for the memories.